Esoteric

I want to talk about “higher self” and the “expansion” of consciousness. This is a concept prevalent in New Age philosophies and derivatives. Most New Age literature depicts the Higher Self as a guiding force. The Higher Self is what introduces obstacles and challenges into your life to “expand your consciousness.” There are endless articles which base their assertions on this expansion concept as justifications or explanations for the how / why of the human condition. In most cases, we are meant to believe that the Higher Self has its own consciousness, or that we even agreed to a contract or “plan” before incarnating on Earth. Believers of soul contracts and plans, I’m sure, would agree that the plan is intended to be adaptable (to allow for free will, they will argue) but to guide you to a certain conclusion. I have lots of problems with this. New Age also teaches a couple of important concepts and that is the idea of separation and/or unity. This article is not intended to visit those particular topics but the simplistic idea of unity is the idea that we and the universe are are all connected. But is the concept of Higher Self compatible with unity? I contend that it is not. It introduces a separation of yourself. Opponents will argue there is “ego”, which we want to shed and then there is what the Higher Self intends, which we want to follow. As I often say, ego is too often used to just label everything you don’t like about yourself – or your Wave. All of these different layers just introduces separation. You “are” your Higher Self. There is no divide. Needing to divide yourself this way is just a crutch to getting you to trust your heart, or yourself. You need to “speak” with your Higher Self rather than just knowing it immediately. The very fact that you can make a decision means you have an “ego.” The ego is the limitations that allow for the perception of the self, or the “I AM.” To shed your ego 100% would be to cease to exist. This serves no one, especially not Source/God. It would be more useful to think your entire personality matrix / identity has no consciousness at all and that “you” are simply a manager of its energy. Managing this energy is how life is experienced.

I’ve been coming back into old realizations. I remember these revelations from years ago that got shuffled into some dark corner or swept under the rug somehow. (edit: I don’t think I was prepared to hold onto them until now.)

Once again, we ask: What is Ex Inanis?

I had thought Ex Inanis was a kind of philosophy – a way to navigate this world of ours. I am realizing this is not quite right.

Ex Inanis is (primarily) an attempt to describe the local universe (Context). There is knowledge in Ex Inanis that is “outside scope” (metaphysical) which has been critical but improperly integrated. This knowledge also concerns “how to live” (philosophy) and I should have separated these concerns better. For readers, this is still muddled, but for me it is enough of a note for now.

Most of this work began out of a desire to create a holistic metaphysical system for a fictional universe. This led me down a deep, deep rabbit hole. As I tried to design an “ideal” metaphysical system, I had to answer question after question: How do we create eternity? How do we account for infinity? What is the role of death? How do we retain free will? What is the source of morality? And so on.

As I answered more of these questions, I seemed to create a contrast of two worlds. The ideal world and the actual world.

The aspects of Ex Inanis I developed to “help navigate” are misguided. They are founded in the belief that the local universe is a place I wish to reside and so I have been attempting to force a square peg into a round hole.

As of late, I have been feeling like “Ex Inanis” was not needed anymore. I have been attempting to discover the root of this feeling. I think it resides in the recognition that while Ex Inanis has been great at describing how this place functions (mostly still in private notes that trickle to this blog), there are “no acceptable solutions.”

Or rather, it has (so far) failed to produce guidance on a desirable or meaningful life.

For most of my life, I attempted to leverage the knowledge of knowing “how the game worked.” I dug deep inside, just looking for that for that first step that called to me.

Why did everything have so much resistance?

When you begin to codify and “make sacred” appearances, as modern science pretends to do, you are assimilating Nonsense – you are describing the machine of the appearance, or the temporary nature of the world. It will always be as such, because as soon as it is perceived, it is no longer. You have changed and thus the appearance has changed, because it arises from within you. You are creating the idea of a machine, because you insist on creating this procedural understanding of the universe. You are removing all the mystery of the universe for the need to know the outcome. This is the birth of physicalism, which is synonymous with determinism because it needs to account for “every atom” leaving no room for will – no room for potential. This is the nature of separation and death (amnesia.) It is the obsessive fixation on detail. Your “DNA” is a glimpse of you that is already incomplete, because your DNA has already become the “perfect” representation of what you are in this moment. No one can change your DNA but you. Your DNA is just a tiny echo that is you – like trying to see a house on Mars without a telescope. You commit a terrible “sin” when you put physical rules “before you” and make them your masters. You have begun to worship the dream-construction “before God” or “before the understanding of the greater truth/universe” or “before your sovereign authority.” “Real science” is the exploration of consciousness – real science is “philosophy.” “Fake science” is the “physical rules” that are created to “explain your experience.” These are based in fear and the need to control the appearances, which is a trick. The need for explanation simply creates more explanations to fulfill the need. The deepening of the abyss. The seemingly set-in-stone physical rules of this world work as they do because they are created by an evolving collective consensus. All virtues are discovered from outside the construct of appearances. All virtues are discovered between, or within, or through acts of contemplation & faith. Because these are a kind of “absolute truth” – the common/universal truths that keep conscious “coherent.” Truth is not “H2O is water” – that is a an example of the “rule of the construct”, or the collective. Did electricity exist before it was “conceived?” What is “discovery” except an obsession given

A post inspired by Mr T. over at Substack –> https://talknet.substack.com/p/growing-sense-of-disconnection-in Doubt is existentialism and this leads to unnecessary explorations (gaps/delays) and failure (or “unnecessary feedback.”) This disconnection is a “remembering how to be.” Some humans are figuring out their “reasons for being.” But that doesn’t resonate with me and it isn’t from a lack of trying. I think I am learning how to “be without reason.” This is as much about not needing a reason to be, as it is about being cautious of reason itself. What reasoning do we need to be happy? Answer: none at all. My heart is asking me to step back from everything and just laugh at the sheer absurdity of it. I no longer care what The Other thinks about this. There is a parasite feeding on the beauty/love of the world. I call it Nonsense ; I like to view it as a kind of critical malfunction in consciousness – an anomaly, because it is more empowering, but we can accept it as a phenomenon that occurs as “consciousness rises.” Same difference. The parasite/Nonsense might be a dark group of controllers, aliens, or just a pattern of low/animalistic/dark gestalt consciousness that has been tolerated for too long. It doesn’t matter whether it is “within me” or the collective. It all connected and manifests the same. To engage in this world is to empower this darkness – because it enters into our consciousness and comes alive through us. Hearing the “reason” is to argue with it and let it in. We see it as us and act through it. Reason would have made Gandalf abandon his integrity and use the Ring of Power because he thought he could do good with it.

To reap the fruits of this material world, the darkness has to be appeased to lesser or greater degrees. Humans have rationalized and compromised with these affairs so long there exists entire paradigms and systems of belief to naturalize the behavior. The Matrix is just one giant sacrificial altar to this darkness. Humans are being relieved of every single one of these systems and this is what you are witnessing. This is a “physical byproduct” as consciousness expands. The “good guys” glorify sacrifice & hard work to appease this dark consciousness as a compromise to find a misguided

I want to talk about time. Not quite the metaphysical concept of time, but more the Earth-Human sense of time.

We are meant to believe that the world goes through a 24-hour period. This is meant to be “helpful” by breaking down the day into units of measurement to which we can create schedules, coordinate events or meetings, measure phenomenon and so on.

This is a lie.

Time is a prison for your mind. This artificial construct has been gently lowered upon the natural world as a way of holding you hostage. This block of time – 24 hours – creates a fixation to which disconnects you from your inner-being and introduces a concept of yesterday & tomorrow which ensures your imprisonment.

Tell me, what does a “second” feel like? A “minute”? An “hour”? Describe how it “feels.”

Like a frog being boiled, you become adjusted to how fast or slow time flows based on your own expectation. But practically everyone has their own evidence of this being a lie in their own lives.

When your mind is no longer fixated on time, time becomes fluid. Time can seem to fly or seem to go on forever. Every person has experienced this, whether for good or ill. Whenever you are in “flow”, you become a master of time.

You have been indoctrinated into thinking that there is a function outside of you which marches on independent on this “sensation of time” but there isn’t. You are the one “making it go fast” or “making it go slow.”

Time is relative? Indeed. You have no idea.

When you truly apprehend this, then you understand how pervasive and how sinister the 24-hour lie is. You are like butter scrapped over too much bread, being stretched and stretched and stretched.

But Macil, the natural world follows this “24 hour” period!

You can divide “Now” into as many pieces as you like. Do you think we could reorganize our time-keeping to function on 36 hours? Or 2 hours? Sure we could. It is just a matter of perspective and doing the “verisimilitude” work to put it all together.

You don’t think we could create longer or shorter calendars? Of course we could. Human history has all kinds of calendars.

We could organize our perceptions of ourselves and our world however we like. You don’t even need to subscribe to subjective idealism

I haven’t posted too much as of late because I haven’t felt the need. That is a good thing, but I also am being nudged to keep Ex Inanis alive and kicking this time. I know it helps. I’ve been coming back into a sense of being with myself rather than in a semi-panic where I feel compelled to micromanage all the details. I have to remember that details = lowering of perspective = fixation = density = time = enduring = Nonsense. If I haven’t mentioned it before, schedules, todos and lists tend to be an indicator of stepping “out of being.” You are becoming too fixated on appearances and reorganizing your expectations into them. You are not trusting or allowing. This disconnects us from inner guidance / higher insight. If you do this for too long, your mind starts slipping back into binary/polarity thinking which slips further into all-out survival thinking, which then starts creating excessive thought & emotion. This is by design, because the thought & emotion is a guidance mechanism to get you to “lift out.” This isn’t to say that we can’t make use of schedules, todos and list, but to exercise caution in how we use them. They should never become informative – they should never become so heavy that they become their own problems. A caveat: If you are already “out of being”, then some schedules, todos and list can be very helpful for “finding yourself” again, because if you are unable to connect to your being, then you can “substitute heart” through a commitment to a ritual or schedule. This is a “faking it until you make it” trick to finding that heart-centered place again. This not for everyone, or most people, because the world feeds on time (what a surprise.) If you want to “break away”, though, this is where you start. NTS: I’ll have to write a post about actual time – like how clocks are everywhere – and how this is part of the containment mechanism. I wanted to put a little reminder here to myself about something I have noticed many times before. My thoughts & decision making process in the mornings and nights sucks. I try to pressure myself way too much in the morning and my mind wants to remove all the surprise from tomorrow at night time by making plans, leading to

Okay, time for a bit of crazy. I am becoming increasingly convinced that all thought arises from the Context. That is, there is not a single thought that arises from your inner being at all. The thoughts that seem benevolent or subservient — which we are more prone to claiming as “ours” – are no different than negative ones, or even neutral ones. They are simply the most attractive thoughts that exist within the Context that you are entertaining. “Reasoning” is just unpacking these thoughts, or digging out more of a kind – also from Context. What is “attractive” is you using certain aspects of Wave as informative (you are getting on the stage, instead of being in the audience). Thoughts are a complete distraction that keeps you locked in creating time. Yes, I am becoming increasingly convinced that our Wave is completely invisible outside of how it is “implied” back to us from Context. But this also feels incomplete / somewhat obvious. If we go looking “within” we are just digging deeper into the Context that isn’t us at all. Well, it IS, but it is because the Wave “contains” it and we are “seeing through it.” We can recognize that in a roundabout way the thoughts are ours, because the Wave was our choice and because the Context derives from Wave, but what do we do when we wish to “rise above” the Context? In theory, we would want to allow the Context to “pass.” Our personal Wave is just sculpted from interaction with the Context. It seems to be “on display” all the time. But there is no “within” if we just “are” – we are “outside of Wave” – which makes sense within the greater framework of Ex Inanis. When you are at your best, you are surfing the Wave across Context. What does this mean? Thoughts are like a smell, or a taste. They are just another “sense” that we feel from the Context. This would seem to make them almost useless even in comparison to physical senses. No – not useless – but it takes practice to start recognizing them as part of the world itself and not yourself, so as to not let them influence your Authentic/Heart-decisions. I feel like somehow I’ve been at this realization before, but nonetheless

This post came about after reading this article –> https://eraoflight.com/2022/08/31/hakann-karma/

Everyone is describing the same elephant, so here is my opinion.

Karma is just another word for all your prior decisions (including past “lives.”) There is what is consciously making decisions and what has become automated or unconscious making decisions. You can call this “karma”, because it has consequences upon your reality generation.

Free will is never violated because you are not living in a singular world. The singular world concept is what ensnares your mind, because it “lowers the perspective.” This ensnaring is what keeps you “logged in.”

You are living in a multidimensional world like a Massive Multiplayer Roleplaying Game where every person is their own instance/universe. You are matched to the other “players” who align to your decisions. This matching is instant and always happening.

See the lyrics to Sweet Dreams – “Some of them want to use you, Some of them want to get used by you, Some of them want to abuse you, Some of them want to be abused.” That’s the cynical perspective, but helps gets the point across.

Where this will trip most people up is in the question of morality or ethics. Since all outcomes happen and there is no “right or wrong”, it seems like you could do whatever you want, right? No. You are not yet in “Heaven.”

Morality/ethics are concerns of cohesion, or your ability to maintain your “being”, or what I call “continuum.” Reincarnation is indefinite until you are able to maintain being whilst holding “all your karma.” This requires many virtues, but a lot of compassion & faith.

Good & Evil is binary/polarity or what I call machine-mind thinking. If you must use these terms, then Good is whatever imparts more integrity to your consciousness and Evil is whatever makes your consciousness lose integrity.

Unification (Unity) with your self/World/Others is locked behind the concepts of compassion/faith. Faith allows you to be in the audience and not on the stage – to be “in but not of” – to view the “whole elephant” and not a part. Compassion is the universal translator, or the glue that holds everything together.

Until you learn these virtues, you are at a lower state of consciousness (too detail oriented – too “on the ground” – the survival or machine-mind. Fixation. Sensitivity.)

You are an eternal being.

When I opened Winamp to play some music while I was writing, the Phantom of the Opera “The Point of No Return” came up. Very interesting.

Never in my life have I ignored my emotions or thoughts. My rule since a very young age was to never leave a thought or emotion left un-examined.

Throughout my personal ordeal of 2022, that has certainly been true. So true, in fact, that this time I think the excessive introspection caused more problems than it solved. If I had just surrendered sooner, perhaps the suffering would have been less. But that is a pointless speculation. The opposite could also be true – it could be I needed the ruthless internal checking and stubbornness to get through this.

I have been there before – too much questioning – not enough confidence. Why? Myriad reasons. Another post.

I am still stunned that the degree of suffering I experienced was possible without dying or being rendered unconscious. I am reminded how I am hyper-aware when drunk, except this time it was in excruciating pain.

I am grudgingly learning to let go of this recent experience as I remember lessons I had already discovered and let slip. At least that feels like where I am headed. I am still sorting out the mess. Thus the importance of continuing to work on Ex Inanis.

I don’t like humble pie.

I feel as though I underwent a “life review” or an “integrity check.” This has happened before – I have humorously considered moments like these in the past “deaths.” That perhaps I jumped a timeline or dimension. This can happen either when a paradigm is no longer sustainable or enters into an expansion period.

As the pain & suffering have diminished and a sense of normal oozes back, I may be finding the clarity that I have been missing for this recent “integrity check.”

To continue this post, we need to have a brief tangent.

The universe is not a “singular” place. It resembles something much closer to a Massive Multiplayer Role Playing Game, except where every player is their own instance, with instantaneous-streaming matchmaking.

Individual consciousness is experienced through the intersection of the Will, Wave and Context (Collective). The “individual” part is none of these things, but an emergence that arises out of

I’ve been at this gate in my life before but this is the farthest I’ve ever stepped through. I’ve never published my words before (without ripping everything down), or shared some of my creative work. I’ve never been so totally and wholly committed to achieving the life that I want to live where I feel almost detached from life altogether. I’m closer to embodying what I call “wonderment” than ever before.

I want to talk about something that has come up every time I’ve approached this gate before that has gotten me to turn back. It is irritatingly effective. Primarily this “gatekeeper” manifests in arguments from The Other, but I can’t blame the Other for continually buying it. I’ve certainly talked myself out of passing this gate before with the same argument. I’m making it a point to put it here so I know there’s no excuses.

It concerns the nature of work & play.

We often think that work is “anything we need to do, but don’t want to do.”

And we often think that play is “anything we want to do, but don’t need to do.”

You may already see the problem if you’re clever, but let’s continue.

When we are on “the path” (as I call Ex Inanis), we are attempting to sculpt our lives into something holistic, or organic. We are ruthlessly looking for pockets of resistance and blockages to remove. We are seeking to remove all the “divides” within ourselves. That is, we are attempting to create an environment for ourselves to live in that effortlessly produces the life (the consciousness) that we want to embody.

Our holy grail is a state of effortless 24/7 flow.

We do not want to keep having to put “effort” into maintaining a particular stand of mind or life. It should automate itself.

This absolutely means we cannot continue participating in practices that actually run contrary to what we are trying to do. That seems obvious. Yet, if it was so obvious, we would not so often compromise with ourselves.

So, what is the the justification that has so often turned me back from doing the things that I want to do? What has created more complacency than anything else?

“You need to relax. No one can work all the time. You’ll