Esoteric

I had forgotten how much I love the movie Hook, from start to finish. I resonate with this story so much that it is absurd. From the story of Peter having an intense fear of death, to “devolving to an adult” and forgetting who he is, to finding a reason to be and to becoming the embodiment of the child (and of course the wonderful music score.)

Man of La Mancha, Baron Munchausen, Vito Cornelius – these are my heroes. They are so iconic to me as embodiment of Ex Inanis.

Somewhere along the way, I got lead astray from my own work.

If I had to hazard a guess when this happened, it was when I reached the end of Ex Inanis. I have been here before. Do you know where it leads?

Ex Inanis showed me that this world is a dream and we are all children who have been fooled into thinking we are adults.

I remembered my inner-child and felt intense abandonment. I was in a world surrounded by adults. I began looking for similar philosophies / people to not feel so alone.

This lead me to a lot of New Age teachings, plus a handful of other fringe people, because it seemed like no one else was even coming close to the truth.

The longer I neglected my own work and settled for “substitute work”, the more I “forgot” the truths I had discovered. The more I slipped into being an adult. I had forgot the stories that I needed to tell myself to understand the truth (I had lost my marbles!)

We can never use the works of The Other as anything other than springboards for our own enlightenment. This will always lead to disaster.

A great many lessons have been learned to bring Ex Inanis to a closer state of “completion.” A recent revelation/re-remembrance is this: without yesterday or tomorrow, there is no “now.” There’s that synthesis again.

The now is a synthesis of yesterday and tomorrow. You need a future in order to invest into this “now” moment and you need yesterday to make it meaningful. If there is nothing to look forward to then you are in a state of self denial, or under a very clever spell to keep you confused.

I know, because I’ve been there. For a really long time. I got tricked into being

This idea of constant soul/individual growth is dysfunctional and non-sustainable. It is entropic. There is no time. We are playing in this “now moment” for all time. Our experience is a Wave that is always changing (which gives us the variance of experience), but “we” are complete and whole. That all choices are recorded – to serve as further fuel for everyone to use in their decision-making / creation – is quite different from souls that are “always expanding.” What our lives would be like if all wishes were fulfilled? No experiences are more or less valid than others. The world often gives weight to suffering, elevating it above other experiences. It creates an imbalance/disharmony (a disturbance in the force.) If experiences were weighted, this would create entropy. “We” are not expanding. God/Source is expanding as this is a requisite to create eternity. God holds all the imagination/potential of everyone and everyone connects to God to create/experience. When an experience is weighted, all other experiences are forced into service of the heavier ones ; imagine a pit, a pyramid, or a black hole – the densest point sucks in everything else. Entropy. This means all the traditional “negative experiences” are derived from a choice. Choices no one would make (“if they didn’t have to” – which gives us a clue.) Pain, fear, suffering – these are from disconnection from God/Source. They are reminders on how to reconnect to God – “To the Source” – to that which gives us life. These negative experiences might stem from a low-cohesion consciousness, which suggests we are fledgling souls, or souls-in-rehab (or lightworkers on a mission). We don’t need to know. Our “waves” seem to be creating an interference with our God connection. DO YOU THINK BEING MISERABLE OR DEPRESSED IS “NATURAL”? THIS IS AN ABSENCE OF LIFE. That is how it manifests. It is the story you need to explain what you are experiencing. A total absence of life does not exist – it is nonsense. The closer to “total nonsense” you come, the more suffering you experience. That we can even experience this ping-pong of of life to anti-life is what is “wrong.” It is a neurosis of consciousness. There is ONLY LIFE. “Pain is weakness leaving the body”, or “Suffering is the darkness being purged from your body

Continuing to come back into things I figured out years ago. Feels like this whole year I have been reassembling / re-doing work I already did. I’m done pretending that I am not upset about this. We already know that there is no such thing as polarity. However, for the sake of this Earthly discussion, we will use terms of polarity to help deliver an understanding. Synthesis is the concept of putting together positive & negative polarities to create a third state (neutrality), which we might consider love, which we might consider god/potential, Source, etc. This is the ability to hold contradictory concepts in order for them to become their idealized form. We will come back to this. Why is this such a critical concept? This year has been a brutal reminder that if you lean too far into either spectrum – negative OR positive – you are going to have a bad time. This causes the Wave to lose integrity / destabilize, like a spinning top that starts to wobble. This year I remembered what happens when you lean way too far into the positive spectrum. While extremes on both end will dampen your connection to God (this is your ability to enjoy life), the negative & positive polarities cause interference in different ways. People are probably more familiar with what happens with excessive negativity. Excessive negativity will cause you to become excessively individualistic. This will make you prioritize your Wave concerns to the detriment of The Other. At the very extreme, you will start to believe The Other doesn’t exist at all. The Other are just puppets of your will. The positive side will cause you to self-sacrifice and over-tolerate. You will become a wet noodle. It will become hard to set boundaries and you will have an annoying habit of taking all the blame and burden upon yourself. In actuality, it is what we accept as the positive spectrum that leads to the victim complex. This will be explained. The negative spectrum provides critical components in cohesion/integrity (boundaries) – so even if you are a crappy person, you will tend to be a more “stable” person. Happy-go-lucky people tend to be neurotic or dysfunctional. There is a reason – they have no personal sovereignty. Happiness, joy, tranquility and so on do not

I created a demon where I became afraid of my own sovereignty. Sovereignty has been a mostly natural thing for me until the events of this year. “Dysfunctional sovereignty” turns into “dysfunctional acceptance.” Dysfunctional acceptance starts breaking down unity and seeing the Context as apart from you, which allows emotions & thoughts to begin to victimize you. Without sovereignty, you cannot say “no” and it seems you must just keep enduring. No does not mean that we hide or run from ourselves. No does not mean we do not accept what is present in our “identity field.” No does not mean we do not allow what is there (like a child throwing a tantrum.) No means to recognize that the thought, emotion, energy is no longer desired. It means that we stop renewing it within our field. It is not so much throwing out the furniture, but moving the house so the furniture is left behind. If we try to move the furniture, we are misunderstanding the furniture is being created from us. This means carefully “deciding” – using our inner-eye to create the energy matrix we wish to reside within (your identity/personhood). I became afraid to say no – to choose – because I was afraid I was using “too much sovereignty” and creating a state of resistance / endurance. But what I was actually afraid of was fixation. I was confusing fixation with acceptance. The universe is too simplistic. It doesn’t understand “remove this thing”, it just understands “this thing” and so thinks you want more of that thing. Its kind of stupid. And irritating. So we have to restructure how we approach things to “act with omission”, or “fake it until you make it.” I prefer to retain some arrogance in this process, so the thing you are releasing is “beneath you”, like an intruder that doesn’t belong there. Not having confidence, I find, makes things much harder on yourself. Your mileage may vary. I’ve tried the “love it away” approach and it doesn’t work for me – it feels like a denial of the discontent, the hatred, or other negative energies which are present when we want to make a change. We are suppose to “be whole” and this does not mean pretending the other side of the spectrum isn’t there or influencing our decisions. This denial becomes a larger denial of self

I want to talk about “higher self” and the “expansion” of consciousness. This is a concept prevalent in New Age philosophies and derivatives. Most New Age literature depicts the Higher Self as a guiding force. The Higher Self is what introduces obstacles and challenges into your life to “expand your consciousness.” There are endless articles which base their assertions on this expansion concept as justifications or explanations for the how / why of the human condition. In most cases, we are meant to believe that the Higher Self has its own consciousness, or that we even agreed to a contract or “plan” before incarnating on Earth. Believers of soul contracts and plans, I’m sure, would agree that the plan is intended to be adaptable (to allow for free will, they will argue) but to guide you to a certain conclusion. I have lots of problems with this. New Age also teaches a couple of important concepts and that is the idea of separation and/or unity. This article is not intended to visit those particular topics but the simplistic idea of unity is the idea that we and the universe are are all connected. But is the concept of Higher Self compatible with unity? I contend that it is not. It introduces a separation of yourself. Opponents will argue there is “ego”, which we want to shed and then there is what the Higher Self intends, which we want to follow. As I often say, ego is too often used to just label everything you don’t like about yourself – or your Wave. All of these different layers just introduces separation. You “are” your Higher Self. There is no divide. Needing to divide yourself this way is just a crutch to getting you to trust your heart, or yourself. You need to “speak” with your Higher Self rather than just knowing it immediately. The very fact that you can make a decision means you have an “ego.” The ego is the limitations that allow for the perception of the self, or the “I AM.” To shed your ego 100% would be to cease to exist. This serves no one, especially not Source/God. It would be more useful to think your entire personality matrix / identity has no consciousness at all and that “you” are simply a manager of its energy. Managing this energy is how life is experienced.

I’ve been coming back into old realizations. I remember these revelations from years ago that got shuffled into some dark corner or swept under the rug somehow. (edit: I don’t think I was prepared to hold onto them until now.)

Once again, we ask: What is Ex Inanis?

I had thought Ex Inanis was a kind of philosophy – a way to navigate this world of ours. I am realizing this is not quite right.

Ex Inanis is (primarily) an attempt to describe the local universe (Context). There is knowledge in Ex Inanis that is “outside scope” (metaphysical) which has been critical but improperly integrated. This knowledge also concerns “how to live” (philosophy) and I should have separated these concerns better. For readers, this is still muddled, but for me it is enough of a note for now.

Most of this work began out of a desire to create a holistic metaphysical system for a fictional universe. This led me down a deep, deep rabbit hole. As I tried to design an “ideal” metaphysical system, I had to answer question after question: How do we create eternity? How do we account for infinity? What is the role of death? How do we retain free will? What is the source of morality? And so on.

As I answered more of these questions, I seemed to create a contrast of two worlds. The ideal world and the actual world.

The aspects of Ex Inanis I developed to “help navigate” are misguided. They are founded in the belief that the local universe is a place I wish to reside and so I have been attempting to force a square peg into a round hole.

As of late, I have been feeling like “Ex Inanis” was not needed anymore. I have been attempting to discover the root of this feeling. I think it resides in the recognition that while Ex Inanis has been great at describing how this place functions (mostly still in private notes that trickle to this blog), there are “no acceptable solutions.”

Or rather, it has (so far) failed to produce guidance on a desirable or meaningful life.

For most of my life, I attempted to leverage the knowledge of knowing “how the game worked.” I dug deep inside, just looking for that for that first step that called to me.

Why did everything have so much resistance?

When you begin to codify and “make sacred” appearances, as modern science pretends to do, you are assimilating Nonsense – you are describing the machine of the appearance, or the temporary nature of the world. It will always be as such, because as soon as it is perceived, it is no longer. You have changed and thus the appearance has changed, because it arises from within you. You are creating the idea of a machine, because you insist on creating this procedural understanding of the universe. You are removing all the mystery of the universe for the need to know the outcome. This is the birth of physicalism, which is synonymous with determinism because it needs to account for “every atom” leaving no room for will – no room for potential. This is the nature of separation and death (amnesia.) It is the obsessive fixation on detail. Your “DNA” is a glimpse of you that is already incomplete, because your DNA has already become the “perfect” representation of what you are in this moment. No one can change your DNA but you. Your DNA is just a tiny echo that is you – like trying to see a house on Mars without a telescope. You commit a terrible “sin” when you put physical rules “before you” and make them your masters. You have begun to worship the dream-construction “before God” or “before the understanding of the greater truth/universe” or “before your sovereign authority.” “Real science” is the exploration of consciousness – real science is “philosophy.” “Fake science” is the “physical rules” that are created to “explain your experience.” These are based in fear and the need to control the appearances, which is a trick. The need for explanation simply creates more explanations to fulfill the need. The deepening of the abyss. The seemingly set-in-stone physical rules of this world work as they do because they are created by an evolving collective consensus. All virtues are discovered from outside the construct of appearances. All virtues are discovered between, or within, or through acts of contemplation & faith. Because these are a kind of “absolute truth” – the common/universal truths that keep conscious “coherent.” Truth is not “H2O is water” – that is a an example of the “rule of the construct”, or the collective. Did electricity exist before it was “conceived?” What is “discovery” except an obsession given

A post inspired by Mr T. over at Substack –> https://talknet.substack.com/p/growing-sense-of-disconnection-in Doubt is existentialism and this leads to unnecessary explorations (gaps/delays) and failure (or “unnecessary feedback.”) This disconnection is a “remembering how to be.” Some humans are figuring out their “reasons for being.” But that doesn’t resonate with me and it isn’t from a lack of trying. I think I am learning how to “be without reason.” This is as much about not needing a reason to be, as it is about being cautious of reason itself. What reasoning do we need to be happy? Answer: none at all. My heart is asking me to step back from everything and just laugh at the sheer absurdity of it. I no longer care what The Other thinks about this. There is a parasite feeding on the beauty/love of the world. I call it Nonsense ; I like to view it as a kind of critical malfunction in consciousness – an anomaly, because it is more empowering, but we can accept it as a phenomenon that occurs as “consciousness rises.” Same difference. The parasite/Nonsense might be a dark group of controllers, aliens, or just a pattern of low/animalistic/dark gestalt consciousness that has been tolerated for too long. It doesn’t matter whether it is “within me” or the collective. It all connected and manifests the same. To engage in this world is to empower this darkness – because it enters into our consciousness and comes alive through us. Hearing the “reason” is to argue with it and let it in. We see it as us and act through it. Reason would have made Gandalf abandon his integrity and use the Ring of Power because he thought he could do good with it.

To reap the fruits of this material world, the darkness has to be appeased to lesser or greater degrees. Humans have rationalized and compromised with these affairs so long there exists entire paradigms and systems of belief to naturalize the behavior. The Matrix is just one giant sacrificial altar to this darkness. Humans are being relieved of every single one of these systems and this is what you are witnessing. This is a “physical byproduct” as consciousness expands. The “good guys” glorify sacrifice & hard work to appease this dark consciousness as a compromise to find a misguided

I want to talk about time. Not quite the metaphysical concept of time, but more the Earth-Human sense of time.

We are meant to believe that the world goes through a 24-hour period. This is meant to be “helpful” by breaking down the day into units of measurement to which we can create schedules, coordinate events or meetings, measure phenomenon and so on.

This is a lie.

Time is a prison for your mind. This artificial construct has been gently lowered upon the natural world as a way of holding you hostage. This block of time – 24 hours – creates a fixation to which disconnects you from your inner-being and introduces a concept of yesterday & tomorrow which ensures your imprisonment.

Tell me, what does a “second” feel like? A “minute”? An “hour”? Describe how it “feels.”

Like a frog being boiled, you become adjusted to how fast or slow time flows based on your own expectation. But practically everyone has their own evidence of this being a lie in their own lives.

When your mind is no longer fixated on time, time becomes fluid. Time can seem to fly or seem to go on forever. Every person has experienced this, whether for good or ill. Whenever you are in “flow”, you become a master of time.

You have been indoctrinated into thinking that there is a function outside of you which marches on independent on this “sensation of time” but there isn’t. You are the one “making it go fast” or “making it go slow.”

Time is relative? Indeed. You have no idea.

When you truly apprehend this, then you understand how pervasive and how sinister the 24-hour lie is. You are like butter scrapped over too much bread, being stretched and stretched and stretched.

But Macil, the natural world follows this “24 hour” period!

You can divide “Now” into as many pieces as you like. Do you think we could reorganize our time-keeping to function on 36 hours? Or 2 hours? Sure we could. It is just a matter of perspective and doing the “verisimilitude” work to put it all together.

You don’t think we could create longer or shorter calendars? Of course we could. Human history has all kinds of calendars.

We could organize our perceptions of ourselves and our world however we like. You don’t even need to subscribe to subjective idealism