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Author: macil

A little bit about doubt

Posted on by macil

This life is always a balance of paradoxical states. At least it is once you are able to reliably think from non-polarized axioms (which honestly is an ongoing practice whilst living as a human.) This wisdom is reflected in many philosophies, but the one of my favorite phrases is: "in but not of." You know ... by that Jesus guy.

You must have total confidence, while dealing with your appearances of doubt. This is not simply about having a goal or picture of a future state and seeing that it is not the current state. This is not about filling in the gaps from "here" to "there." This is about knowing with absolute confidence that the end state is "decided" and having the mindset that allows you to "surrender to the process" that bridges these worlds.

This is living your life with a kind of broadened detachment, allowing your experience to flow in & out of you without fighting it. The better you are able to do this, the more coherence -- sovereignty -- you have with yourself.

As sovereignty rises, fixation decreases. As fixation decreases, linearity decreases (time doesn't need to follow itself.) The world does strange things. Miracles happen. This isn't just an omission of memory, like forgetting you put $20 in an old jacket to find it years later.

No ...

It is stumbling upon the thing when you need it when it aligns with your will in a confluence. It is having a $20 meal, forgetting your wallet and finding a $20 bill in the jacket. The jacket you just bought from a thrift shop the other day when you didn't even want to go.

The more sovereignty you have, the more reality just manifests to support your will.

Let us define the Buffer yet again in another way: The Buffer is a lack of confidence -- doubt. The Buffer = suffering, so doubt could be said to be the source of all suffering.

Suffering can be measured as incoherence, as a distance from God -- a "divide" within yourself. This divide can be

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Shedding the Weight, pt. 2

Posted on by macil

When people hear "will" they often believe it is synonymous with "willpower" and this couldn't be farther from the truth.

What is willpower?

Willpower represents a state of distrust, or rejection -- it is the tantrum a child throws after they cause their own problem. Willpower is the attempt to "resolve" a problem you have created via prior choices.

You are tempted to use willpower when you encounter a situation in life that is displeasing, uncomfortable or outright painful. You think willpower is a quick fix that will put you back on course if you can just "power through." Or perhaps you use willpower because you have convinced yourself you "have to" otherwise your life will implode.

There is never a case when you should be using "willpower" to solve your problems. Willpower is like adding fuel to a fire. This is like drinking more to overcome a hangover.

You are resisting a state that has come to pass because of your own choices and willpower sounds like an enticing way to dig yourself out of a hole.

It will never change until you do. It will keep repeating. Forever. Because you create your own "state of the universe."

Whenever you think that willpower is a good idea -- stop. Your life should be an effortless flow of will -- DECISION -- one to the next without interruption. A hiccup or a block represents a conflict within yourself, like rocks in a stream and should be an immediate indication to set aside time to do some inner-work.

There is something within that keeps bending the currents of your life against itself and causing disharmony, i.e., suffering, or "evil."

By using willpower, you are attempting to create an impossible state because you are rejecting your own will. This becomes expressed through the Nonsense, or through 'chaos' which must be represented somehow within your life.

I am not rejecting my own will. I am solving a problem right now!, you say!

How can

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Shedding the Weight pt. 1

Posted on by macil

Adopting a paradigm that free will is absolute is not all sunshine & daises. In fact, there are some disturbing truths that I have uncovered.

As with all work of this nature, integrating this truth requires recognizing the importance of other people and their total autonomy within your overall paradigm. This is implicit in the idea of "absolute free will" (meaning everyone gets it), but becomes sticky when you start to play with the nature of the other itself or its role in your world.

You may be offended or impatient or upset that others can seemingly conflict with your will, or go against your wishes. It is easy to become indignant when you have "seen through the cracks" and feel like you should be able to cultivate your world to your liking. You may be tempted to remove or restrict the autonomy from others as a "short cut" to higher organizations of consciousness.

But this is a trap.

Like yourself, the role of the other is to be a conduit for God -- for potential -- to choose (create) what hasn't been chosen before and this allows for the "infinite recombination" of the cosmos. This allows for fresh never-experienced-before content. Without this critical element, the universe would become deterministic, or entropic.

Denying others, much like denying any part of your world, is denying potential. This pushes you into entropic timelines, aka "dead ends."

If you opt to change the role of others to be "slaves of your will" then you are just playing with yourself. How long can you play by yourself before you go mad? When everything happens exactly as you expect, how long before you cease to exist because you know all the outcomes? This is an example of an "entropy box."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zimDEsLuVO4

You may be inclined to think that two "absolute wills" cannot resolve. You will be inclined to think that others can act as obstacles, or influence your ability to direct your life without your input.

This happens

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VR & Gaming

Posted on by macil

I am a sort of ex-gamer. That is, I used to play video games. A lot. I've talked bit about that before.

And now I don't.

I may do some constructive gaming / content creation in the future.

I didn't stop playing video games because I hate them, or think they are evil.

The real reason that started the departure was the idea that I was playing a "game within a game." While this is somewhat just another way of expressing the traditional wisdom of reality vs. fantasy, there is a darker truth to this that pushed me over the edge.

Video games are of course also "part of the whole." By this, I mean, it does not serve us to think that video games are in a special category versus other ways you can spend your time. Any vice can become an unhealthy fantasy that lets you avoid your own life. The problem is the trajectory that games set you upon in particular.

I still watch others play video games (which strangely is a greater vicarious joy than playing than anymore) and sometimes an ad squeezes through my ad blockers. As of late, I've been getting advertisements for VR headsets, the latest of which was centered around the idea of "experiencing the world in VR." Like climbing mountains, visiting other places or seeing an aurora, or whatever.

Are you fucking kidding me?

The idea of VR sounds so enticing, doesn't it? All the rewards without any of the investment.

You are being conditioned to re-program your own consciousness (with your consent.) You are being programmed to disown your own world into a "sub world" that is subject to corporate interests.

There are those of you who think this is just some conspiracy, but I will try to explain this is plain terms without the woo-woo.

The nefarious part of this process isn't that the activities in isolation are dangerous or bad or evil. This is a long-term "restructuring"

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The Second Era

Posted on by macil

I realized this post is basically a poor draft of what is now the front page. I recommend you start there instead.

I have migrated -- again -- from Tumblr to Wordpress. While I am not fond of Wordpress (as a developer, it is growing on me), I needed greater control without being bogged down in full ground-up programming and customization. That is not what I am here to do on Earth.

I have re-organized the website into the "First Era" and this post marks the beginning of the Second Era.

The First Era is be the initial birth of Ex Inanis, i..e, the "Year of Pain."

The First Era was a tale regaling the final moments of a prior life as it struggled against its inevitable end. It was about obtaining confidence I needed to fully step into my truth. This was not a simple task for me because it meant accepting circumstances that I would rather have not, but my spirit would no longer allow me to be indifferent.

The required confidence required me to let go of a lot of anger and resentment, as well as setting aside dysfunctional systems of compassion and sovereignty.

The Second Era will represent a more intentional strategy going forward. I want make this a professional source of information for myself & others and help us all achieve our god-sovereignty.

What is my truth?

Free will is absolute. All decisions are honored and all outcomes happen. There is never anyone or anything to blame but ourselves -- absolutely, without exception. The entire universe resolves from this seemingly simple truth.

This truth also implies freedom, for the recognition of this truth is the recognition that we deeply yearn to be free by removing all barriers to the idea of "absolute free will.' This truth reveals all of the stories that are not in service to our own will -- an unsettling perspective most are not willing to explore.

Ex Inanis is the ongoing exploration

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Hook, Hook, give us the Hook!

Posted on by macil

I had forgotten how much I love the movie Hook, from start to finish. I resonate with this story so much that it is absurd. From the story of Peter having an intense fear of death, to “devolving to an adult” and forgetting who he is, to finding a reason to be and to becoming the embodiment of the child (and of course the wonderful music score.)

Man of La Mancha, Baron Munchausen, Vito Cornelius – these are my heroes. They are so iconic to me as embodiment of Ex Inanis.

Somewhere along the way, I got lead astray from my own work.

If I had to hazard a guess when this happened, it was when I reached the end of Ex Inanis. I have been here before. Do you know where it leads?

Ex Inanis showed me that this world is a dream and we are all children who have been fooled into thinking we are adults.

I remembered my inner-child and felt intense abandonment. I was in a world surrounded by adults. I began looking for similar philosophies / people to not feel so alone.

This lead me to a lot of New Age teachings, plus a handful of other fringe people, because it seemed like no one else was even coming close to the truth.

The longer I neglected my own work and settled for “substitute work”, the more I “forgot” the truths I had discovered. The more I slipped into being an adult. I had forgot the stories that I needed to tell myself to understand the truth (I had lost my marbles!)

We can never use the works of The Other as anything other than springboards for our own enlightenment. This will always lead to disaster.

A great many lessons have been learned to bring Ex Inanis to a closer state of “completion.” A recent revelation/re-remembrance is this: without yesterday or tomorrow, there is no “now.” There’s that synthesis again.

The now is a synthesis of yesterday and tomorrow. You need a future in order to invest into this “now” moment and you need yesterday to make it meaningful. If there is nothing to look forward to then you are in a state of self denial, or under a very clever spell to keep you confused.

I know, because I’ve been there. For a really long time. I got tricked into being

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More on “Expansion”

Posted on by macil
This idea of constant soul/individual growth is dysfunctional and non-sustainable. It is entropic. There is no time. We are playing in this “now moment” for all time. Our experience is a Wave that is always changing (which gives us the variance of experience), but “we” are complete and whole. That all choices are recorded – to serve as further fuel for everyone to use in their decision-making / creation – is quite different from souls that are “always expanding.” What our lives would be like if all wishes were fulfilled? No experiences are more or less valid than others. The world often gives weight to suffering, elevating it above other experiences. It creates an imbalance/disharmony (a disturbance in the force.) If experiences were weighted, this would create entropy. “We” are not expanding. God/Source is expanding as this is a requisite to create eternity. God holds all the imagination/potential of everyone and everyone connects to God to create/experience. When an experience is weighted, all other experiences are forced into service of the heavier ones ; imagine a pit, a pyramid, or a black hole – the densest point sucks in everything else. Entropy.
This means all the traditional “negative experiences” are derived from a choice. Choices no one would make (“if they didn’t have to” – which gives us a clue.) Pain, fear, suffering – these are from disconnection from God/Source. They are reminders on how to reconnect to God – “To the Source” – to that which gives us life. These negative experiences might stem from a low-cohesion consciousness, which suggests we are fledgling souls, or souls-in-rehab (or lightworkers on a mission). We don’t need to know. Our “waves” seem to be creating an interference with our God connection. DO YOU THINK BEING MISERABLE OR DEPRESSED IS “NATURAL”? THIS IS AN ABSENCE OF LIFE. That is how it manifests. It is the story you need to explain what you are experiencing. A total absence of life does not exist – it is nonsense. The closer to “total nonsense” you come, the more suffering you experience. That we can even experience this ping-pong of of life to anti-life is what is “wrong.” It is a neurosis of consciousness. There is ONLY LIFE. “Pain is weakness leaving the body”, or “Suffering is the darkness being purged from your body
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Remembering Synthesis

Posted on by macil
Continuing to come back into things I figured out years ago. Feels like this whole year I have been reassembling / re-doing work I already did. I’m done pretending that I am not upset about this. We already know that there is no such thing as polarity. However, for the sake of this Earthly discussion, we will use terms of polarity to help deliver an understanding. Synthesis is the concept of putting together positive & negative polarities to create a third state (neutrality), which we might consider love, which we might consider god/potential, Source, etc. This is the ability to hold contradictory concepts in order for them to become their idealized form. We will come back to this. Why is this such a critical concept? This year has been a brutal reminder that if you lean too far into either spectrum – negative OR positive – you are going to have a bad time. This causes the Wave to lose integrity / destabilize, like a spinning top that starts to wobble.
This year I remembered what happens when you lean way too far into the positive spectrum. While extremes on both end will dampen your connection to God (this is your ability to enjoy life), the negative & positive polarities cause interference in different ways. People are probably more familiar with what happens with excessive negativity. Excessive negativity will cause you to become excessively individualistic. This will make you prioritize your Wave concerns to the detriment of The Other. At the very extreme, you will start to believe The Other doesn’t exist at all. The Other are just puppets of your will. The positive side will cause you to self-sacrifice and over-tolerate. You will become a wet noodle. It will become hard to set boundaries and you will have an annoying habit of taking all the blame and burden upon yourself. In actuality, it is what we accept as the positive spectrum that leads to the victim complex. This will be explained. The negative spectrum provides critical components in cohesion/integrity (boundaries) – so even if you are a crappy person, you will tend to be a more “stable” person. Happy-go-lucky people tend to be neurotic or dysfunctional. There is a reason – they have no personal sovereignty. Happiness, joy, tranquility and so on do not
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Saying No

Posted on by macil
I created a demon where I became afraid of my own sovereignty. Sovereignty has been a mostly natural thing for me until the events of this year. “Dysfunctional sovereignty” turns into “dysfunctional acceptance.” Dysfunctional acceptance starts breaking down unity and seeing the Context as apart from you, which allows emotions & thoughts to begin to victimize you. Without sovereignty, you cannot say “no” and it seems you must just keep enduring. No does not mean that we hide or run from ourselves. No does not mean we do not accept what is present in our “identity field.” No does not mean we do not allow what is there (like a child throwing a tantrum.) No means to recognize that the thought, emotion, energy is no longer desired. It means that we stop renewing it within our field. It is not so much throwing out the furniture, but moving the house so the furniture is left behind. If we try to move the furniture, we are misunderstanding the furniture is being created from us. This means carefully “deciding” – using our inner-eye to create the energy matrix we wish to reside within (your identity/personhood). I became afraid to say no – to choose – because I was afraid I was using “too much sovereignty” and creating a state of resistance / endurance. But what I was actually afraid of was fixation. I was confusing fixation with acceptance. The universe is too simplistic. It doesn’t understand “remove this thing”, it just understands “this thing” and so thinks you want more of that thing. Its kind of stupid. And irritating. So we have to restructure how we approach things to “act with omission”, or “fake it until you make it.” I prefer to retain some arrogance in this process, so the thing you are releasing is “beneath you”, like an intruder that doesn’t belong there. Not having confidence, I find, makes things much harder on yourself. Your mileage may vary. I’ve tried the “love it away” approach and it doesn’t work for me – it feels like a denial of the discontent, the hatred, or other negative energies which are present when we want to make a change. We are suppose to “be whole” and this does not mean pretending the other side of the spectrum isn’t there or influencing our decisions. This denial becomes a larger denial of self
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Higher Self / Expansion

Posted on by macil
I want to talk about “higher self” and the “expansion” of consciousness. This is a concept prevalent in New Age philosophies and derivatives. Most New Age literature depicts the Higher Self as a guiding force. The Higher Self is what introduces obstacles and challenges into your life to “expand your consciousness.” There are endless articles which base their assertions on this expansion concept as justifications or explanations for the how / why of the human condition. In most cases, we are meant to believe that the Higher Self has its own consciousness, or that we even agreed to a contract or “plan” before incarnating on Earth. Believers of soul contracts and plans, I’m sure, would agree that the plan is intended to be adaptable (to allow for free will, they will argue) but to guide you to a certain conclusion. I have lots of problems with this. New Age also teaches a couple of important concepts and that is the idea of separation and/or unity. This article is not intended to visit those particular topics but the simplistic idea of unity is the idea that we and the universe are are all connected. But is the concept of Higher Self compatible with unity? I contend that it is not. It introduces a separation of yourself. Opponents will argue there is “ego”, which we want to shed and then there is what the Higher Self intends, which we want to follow. As I often say, ego is too often used to just label everything you don’t like about yourself – or your Wave. All of these different layers just introduces separation. You “are” your Higher Self. There is no divide. Needing to divide yourself this way is just a crutch to getting you to trust your heart, or yourself. You need to “speak” with your Higher Self rather than just knowing it immediately. The very fact that you can make a decision means you have an “ego.” The ego is the limitations that allow for the perception of the self, or the “I AM.” To shed your ego 100% would be to cease to exist. This serves no one, especially not Source/God. It would be more useful to think your entire personality matrix / identity has no consciousness at all and that “you” are simply a manager of its energy. Managing this energy is how life is experienced.
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