Digital Abyss pt. 2

This is a bit of a follow-up to the last post.

As of December 18th, 2022 I haven’t touched a video game. A week or two ago (and a bit of a revisit this post), I submitted the requests to delete my Steam library and Twitch accounts.

Now. Am I doing these things because I hate video games? No.

I am doing this because I have strong fundamental beliefs about the nature of this — my reality — and there is now a strong sense of dereliction that comes from engaging in certain activities.

We are existing in a mishmash of two worlds that are impossible to distinguish based on our senses alone. These worlds blend, like pouring red & blue ink into a bucket of water. We have been tossed into this bucket and can’t see outside of mess of mixing colors. With discernment it is still possible to see the “red” and the “blue” but it requires a purity of soul to do it reliably.

This purity becomes easier or harder depending on the environment we keep for ourselves. Our environment needs to be a constant reinforcement of our highest ideals without exception. It should be almost oppressive, except it is impossible to be oppressive because it is of YOUR making — you are helping yourself!

One of these colors comes from God / Paradox and the other color comes from something else — the Nonsense. Only one of these worlds claws for our attention because it is parasitical — entropic — and needs our attention to survive. It constantly wants to pull us back into it. It does everything in its power to subvert our will and continue its existence. It does this not just through physical temptation, but our own thoughts, emotions and even our bodies, which are all “shadows of the merry-go-round.”

You might call that place “Planet Gaslight”, because in my experience that it is what it does: it gaslights you — makes you question what is real and where your true will resides and this is how it undermines the fundamental law of the universe (free will.) Is this its design? Is it of our own making? Irrelevant, because it doesn’t change how we make decisions.

The other place comes from within ourselves. It does not ask anything of us, but it feels like … “home is not where you live, but who cares when you are gone.” It is a sense of love, but it is more — a sense of truth, or rightness, or knowledge ; a place without doubt.

When we stand in this doubtless place, it washes out the other color and brings a pure vibrancy to the whole world. This isn’t meant to be poetic, but literal. Your physical world changes. You are Neo dodging bullets.

I have spent my entire life struggling between these places and video games allowed me to sit on the fence. I am sitting on the fence no longer.

I have created Ex Inanis and dug in all sorts of unseemly places within thinking this would make it easier to “integrate” these worlds, yet the truth is that it has made it even harder. I do not think these worlds are meant to be integrated anymore because the destiny of the Nonsense is obliteration. The universe is showing us the way home and telling us how to survive the Nonsense when it is destroyed.

The world that arises from the Nonsense is a lie ; we are in the unenviable task of removing one of the colors from the bucket because it doesn’t belong there. It doesn’t matter how it came about because it doesn’t change what we have to do — we have to clean it out.

“Imagine for a moment that this thing is not anything that can be identified because it prefers not to be. Wherever there is life, it brings death, because it is evil — absolute evil.”

Vito Cornelius – Fifth Element

What does the Evil in the Fifth Element want? It wants the four stones (sound familiar?). That’s right — it wants qualia — life itself, as represented by the interchange of the four elements. The four elements together creates love, which destroys evil (creates coherence — life.) Is it not also interesting how the President “has a doubt?”

I am realizing that however the Nonsense came about, its entire essence is the annihilation of life itself. This is accomplished through a brilliant undermining of will. And it must be recognized that it is sheer brilliance because how does one undermine something that is ABSOLUTE?

It does so through layers upon layers of environmental conditioning — constant training & redirection of the will with tireless assault so the will keeps denying what it is — so the will keeps making the choice to pretend it isn’t responsible, or doesn’t exist.

I cannot continue to engage any activities that perpetuate or allow Nonsense to be created. I cannot allow Nonsense within myself and my domain. And thus, I have adopted a ruthless approach to cultivating my environment of which video games serve no good purpose — or not a good enough purpose.

Vices are nothing less than an excuse we sell ourselves to perpetuate Nonsense. It is a severe blow to the confidence of our will when we practice “Akrasia” — when we take actions we know we shouldn’t. And so we use vices to pretend Nonsense doesn’t exist. Balance is the same excuse ; an amorphous concept that always tries to make appeals to our hedonism.

As in the article I linked earlier, can we not envision a life where we are embodying the creative life force so thoroughly that this is our sense of joy? That the joy comes from within and does not require us to “take suggestions (i.e., consume)?” I think it is possible to live this way. This is learning to express something higher and there is love in this process. I aim to prove it.

And our vices, urges and other distractions just make it harder to do these things. They pollute our environment and become a breeding ground for the perpetuation of Nonsense. There are truths, behaviors and habits we cannot access without simply removing these lesser choices. It is like a garden overgrown with weeds that we keep planting seeds in wondering why nothing will grow.

The way we live our life literally creates our world ; we become free, because the world springs forth anew from within us ; we enter into a symbiotic relationship with “inside & outside” because in effect we are destroying the distinction between the two.

Nonsense is the wedge between this idea. This isn’t a merging but a realization that one of these worlds was never real to begin with. It is the distance between you and Paradox/God/Etc. This is why I also call Nonsense the Buffer, or the abyss from where you have lost so much of your will.

It is a harmless curtain that appears takes on whatever appearance it needs to get you to turn back. It uses your consciousness against you, aka, it gaslights you.

What is evil? Evil is not what you think it is. Evil is incoherence, or non-experience, it is chaos ; anti-life. It is a glitch ; an evasion of senses that cannot be comprehended that wreaks havoc. It disrupts the ‘wave’ that life represents. It has nothing to do with human morality. No — it is nothing less the unraveling of life/experience itself.

What is “good”? Good is coherence, or life & experience itself. This runs the gamut from good & bad experiences but it is life. Your will effortlessly aligns you to the experiences you desire and needs no intermediary. Your will & heart are one, but the Nonsense divides this and obscures it from you because it is “absolute evil” ; whether Nonsense has a will of its own or not is irrelevant in how we deal with it.

The incoherence cannot win, because the universe cannot function without free will. Those who deny their will simply hide from it, or incur a debt to themselves that must be repaid. We are in a “movie”, because will must “come home to roost.” But it is not the end when will reaches parity — it is the beginning.

The physical world is the product of Nonsense. It is nothing less than a time-loop, as I have alluded to before. I will talk more about this. The incoherence is like a pit, or a depression, that is caused through the denial of will ; it creates its own environment that focuses will into looping structures to “choose” more denial of itself, thus creating a “debt” that it keeps putting off. It is parasitical — eating those who bring the infinite creative force into its maw.

With all this said, I do believe computers are prime vectors for Nonsense. They are ripe for creating incoherence because they so effortlessly produce fixation. Fixation is a loss of being — the process of “becoming physical” — static, unchanging, earthen. Fixation = density = time = enduring = Nonsense. Suffering. Do you think it is healthy or normal to sit in one place for hours at a time looking at a tiny piece of plastic? There is nothing normal about this.

This is what vices allow us to do — to obscure our own shadow from us and delay dealing with it. Vices are a symptom of the Nonsense. What sense does it make to need a vice? A vice exists only in a world where we need an escape from ourselves, which is another concept of Nonsense — we cannot escape ourselves. We are always with ourselves and our demons follow us no matter how hard we ignore them.

A good video game, like any piece of art, transcends its medium and delivers a “piece of God.” Meaning, the physical substance or expression of the game is not what we appreciate but the invisible experience between us and the game ; the new form of God that the author/artist has created and shared with us.

Video games? I do not have time for them. Every day I try to root out more Nonsense by focusing on my true sense of self. I do not win every battle and I have not yet become the creative juggernaut that I see in my head. But damn if I will not try.

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