August 2022 Archive

To continue the theme of the last post, when you ask the question: “What do you want?” don’t limit this to the material world.

You can ask for anything, including knowledge (any kind), confidence, motivation, focus, drive, being better with people … there is nothing that is off limits. You can even construct your own custom packages. You can get very specific or creative. You can put one desire into other, or add your own boundaries.

Authenticity will guide you there, no matter how bizarre. It may require a lot of work, but it will never lie to you.

This is why visualizing the life you want is so often repeated in manifestation resources, but it is very easy to get fixated on the physical elements and forget both the “doing” and the subtle.

If you are having trouble finding the material/qualia place you want, then simply change your intentions for a little while. Change the intention to: “What is blocking me? What do I need to learn? What do I need to release?“ or, perhaps get super meta – "What question do I need to ask?”

Don’t just keep stubbornly fantasying all the while resisting the changes the universe is trying to give you. Nonsense LOVES for you to reject the very things you asked for. You also have to allow.

You will be guided to your destination, as long you follow the Decide, Faith and Show Up process. I may also have to amend this to: “Decide, Know/Faith, Show Up & Allow.”

When I started on this journey, I answered the question of “What do you want?” with “freedom.” Or perhaps “world domination.” But these are all the same concepts: self-mastery.

This may have began as a childish fantasy about ruling over the world, but it transformed into a much higher wisdom of being free from experience ; or free *to* experience ; it is the heart of Ex Inanis, or “from nothing.” “Christ consciousness”, Nirvana, Heaven … fearlessness.

And I have been led on exactly that journey. I was thrown into the deep end of the metaphysical, esoteric and occult. There is no rabbit hole I didn’t crawl into.

And so here is the “warning” part.

Your every command is realized. We are perfect creators, but woefully imperfect in seeing what we have created (because of what I call The Uncertainty.)

I had no

This is such a powerful question.

When you feel that doubt, or malaise, or that inner “zombie” creeping up on you ; when you feel like falling back into old patterns ; when you feel like you are wasting time or “shouldn’t be doing this” ; you should trigger yourself to remember this question: “What do you want?”

You heart will answer this question. And shortly there after you will look upon your Wave – your life – and you will know exactly how to get it. That’s Authenticity ; that’s you going “ping!” and the universe handing you a map.

Any pings after the first are bullshit.

Here’s where we all fuck up.

Nonsense wanders in and says: “Hey, you don’t need that map. Let me tell you how to get everything you want.”

Whatever layers of Nonsense you have within you will attempt to talk you out of it. The more you identify with your Nonsense or trust it (perhaps you have externalized some of it in the Other, family, friends, organizations, or perhaps “yesterday”), the more you believe your own bullshit.

Positive, negative, neutral … Nonsense will go to town to convince you that you can’t have what you want. Your job isn’t to decide what your heart wants. Your heart is the apex, the center, the crest – it is the precise intersection point between “everything you are.”

Your heart is the ultimate “fact of you.”

Nonsense will attempt to convince you that you need to compromise, or be realistic. Maybe, even, there are aspects of truth to that. Nonsense loves to sprinkle truth into its lies.

Nonsense will weave whatever convincing tale you need, because YOU are letting Nonsense borrow your consciousness. And what is “your consciousness”?

That’s right. You’ve left the door wide open to your imagination room, you dope.

And what are you? You are an aspect of God – perhaps God itself. It doesn’t matter. We don’t need to know. It’s irrelevant.

Through you, Nonsense becomes the master storyteller, because YOU are the master storyteller. But the story isn’t woven all at once. It is eternal – ongoing – right now.

Here’s another secret too: Nonsense

“God” spoke to me again, this time through a close friend who told me about confidence.

I’ve realized I’ve struggled with confidence all my life. Confidence of all kinds. My thinking mind felt like it needed “answers” before it could have confidence.

I’ve been here before.

The ironic thing about confidence is that we already have what we need. We already have everything we need to know and our challenges will always match our life at the time. When we accept this, we find confidence, even if we are NOT confident. Even if you “wanted more than you have”, you know that this is a Nonsense concept.

Confidence is a choice ; as in, the choice itself. Confidence needs no conditions. I don’t think it even matters whether you think that choice is right or wrong, or neither, as long as the choice is made.

Perhaps that is obvious to many, as the alternative is uncertainty or doubt, because a path hasn’t been picked. But some of us have glorified this place of non-decision – or at least I have – and all this creates is “more time.”

Our waking life is a quilt, or menagerie, or a cauldron of our choices all intersecting. Some of these intersections don’t work, some do, some just are. Confidence doesn’t derive from these choices ; confidence is the acceptance of these choices and it is the choice of “What’s next?”

Confidence is a plan, but it isn’t. Its a path you pick that’s “good enough” for now, because you trust yourself and just going to see where this goes.

So much wisdom and esoteric stuff is a farce. I realize the more and more I post to this blog, Ex Inanis is about the same synthesis or harmony of mind that the ancients describe and that all philosophers and spiritualists describe over and over and over.

Ex Inanis is my own expression of it and anytime we listen to another person – it is their expression of it, even if they aren’t a philosopher. Their own life stories are just more parables of the truth. You can’t unsee at after a point

The fundamental truth is always the same. It is the 3 blind men and the elephant (look it up.)

It isn’t like we don’t understand this seminal / unspoken wisdom – this wordless resonance of truth – it

Let’s talk a little bit about “manifestation.”

There is no doubt in my mind that there is a “eerie” correlation between consciousness and what we experience. We can say we are God, or aspects of God, or whatever you fancy, but it isn’t very helpful in a practical sense. Affirm this, visualize that, adjust your perspective … manifestation is inexorably tied to digging inside ourselves. But the “output” or the underlying motivation is all wrong.

This blog is for me a confessional as much as anything – a way to get it out and my own way of making sense of my life up to this point.

As I have been writing here everyday and as I have been making changes in my real life, there is a subtle pervasive truth that is rising to the surface: I suckered myself.

Everyone wants to talk about inner work and shadow work and such all the whilst somehow denying one of the fundamental truths manifestation often starts with – that the “external” is already a representation of themselves – whether by creation or alignment matters not. It is perfect. Asking for something that isn’t there is a kind of a tacit rejection ; a refusal to do the real shadow work you need to do. A rejection of the “matchmaker” or the “creation engine.” A rejection of God. A refusal to participate in your own creation! Why?

I often say, “Wherever you go, there you are” because we can’t run from ourselves. The work is the work regardless of your material realm.

An adventurer does not decline the adventure to spend years plotting out the perfect path, or cheating his way to the end. This sounds like that old adage about journeys and destination, but it is more.

I spent years figuring out the rules of the game but I suck at playing it. I’m a librarian who has no idea how to deal with his own world. As someone who has spent a good portion of his life playing video games, this isn’t even in-character. With video games, I love to dive in and figure it out as I go: that’s part of the fun, the exploration, the challenge …

When I try to apply this approach in real life, I’m paralyzed. I buried the fear behind logic & reason – behind digging for more esoteric truth. I

God – Cosmos, Source, Paradox – whatever word you wish to use … We will use God for the remainder of the article. You do not necessarily need to personify God in this context. God can simply be “everything that is or could be.“ God can be “creation.” God could be the “whole you.” Or, if you prefer, God can be a loving parent ; whatever definition seems to resonate with you.

The concept of God is seminal, or primal and you understand what I mean even if your “contextual” self wants to argue.

God speaks to you through the portrayal of your life – of the entire universe. God is always speaking to you. God is a chatterbox! Because God is synonymous with love and love is the foundation of all creation. Love is always coming back to get you – when you run, you just hurt yourself, like a child out of control. God is there to pick you up and set you back straight, even when you think otherwise.

It isn’t enough to know this on an intellectual level. You can pretend to know that the universe is born from within – that it is a emanation of consciousness, whether from yourself, or from God’s hands. It doesn’t matter. As a human, you will never answer these questions any deeper. If you attempt to do so, you will find the answers you receive to be recursive and bottomless. I know – I tried.

The questions themselves are sufficient knowledge. That is why we have concepts like belief and faith and why these concepts are often so treasured. It can be easy to disregard them or associate them with fanaticism or perhaps naivety, but this is a terrible mistake. They are fundamental to operating – as a new friend of mine told me – “an optimal level.”

Comprehending God cannot be done in a purely intellectual way. This does nothing for your belief and belief is fundamental to operating your life. A belief is forged, like a sword. It requires a action, a commitment and some pressure. God doesn’t want this to be a painful process – a sword feels no pain as it is hammered or thrust into the furnace.

You are here to be forged by God. Or if this is too much, you are here to provide experience to God. Again, I

Our thoughts arise from within us, like air bubbling to the surface of water. The thoughts are not “us", yet they do point to the source of that “air" that is us.

That air comes from our foundation. The thoughts are more like mangled remnants by the time they reach us, though ; almost useless. Thoughts try to describe truths that our minds cannot hold all at once. They are “pointers” to much larger blocks. As humans, we have to deal with abstracts and faith to make use of these thoughts.

We shouldn’t assign any meaning to thoughts that we don’t desire. We recognize they are “ours” – or at least that they are there if you wish to remain more open to their source – but they are “out of service” or not informative. Meaning construction is an important concept I need to write about and it isn’t restricted to thoughts.

I’ve been hearing this term “mental diet” and it is a good one. I need to read a whole lot more Goddard, because he has great subtle ways of perspective that are transformative.

Our efforts should be focused on changing this foundation so that the thoughts that bubble up are the thoughts that we want, rather than battling thoughts that do not serve us. We want to ask ourselves to be supportive and encouraging, not afraid or doubting. The diet should feed itself, in other words.

Imagine thoughts that don’t question, or doubt, or plan. They don’t worry how long something will take or what issues you are dealing with. They just tell you: “You got this! Go for it!” We want to eliminate “buts” and “shoulds" in a way that aligns with heart/body/mind. We do NOT want to create willful ignorance, apathy, or denial.

We want to address the root of the environment – not be on cleanup duty at all times, or “eating” all the time. Consumption of any kind is a warning that we are lopsided towards complacency. We have to do these things, because that’s where we are in our development, but we can recognize this is not the “ideal.” I think we are all tired of this janitor duty.

I emphasize the warning of becoming complacent simply because you master aspects of this process. If you are not reinvesting into “the work”, it will fade just as surely as anything

I coined the term Dysfunctional Sovereignty because I thought I had figured it out.

Sovereignty is how well adjusted you are to your Wave ; the “breadth of your power.” Dysfunctional Sovereignty is the distension of this power, like butter over too much bread.

I am writing about it, because I am in the process of overcoming it ; to reclaiming Sovereignty, or building it back stronger. While we may imagine ourselves to be godlike – and we are – there must be an accounting for potential, or surprise. I have talked about potential and we know that it is a requirement for the universe to even exist. Entropy is the devouter of all universes without potential.

Perfection is non-existence – it is Nonsense – and so, as part of being gods, but less than “GOD”, we accept that we need limitations to have experience at all. This means we can make mistakes, or if this word is too potent, we can “change our minds.” The Uncertainy, though, means we must still be able to deal with our Wave as it departs, no matter how certain we are. We really must have the faith of saints.

On a long enough time line, there will be a surprise in your life that is not pleasant. If you do not have the paradigm to deal with it, great powers of manifestation will become a crucible very quickly. I am reminded of Michael Crichton’s “Sphere" – the movie at least. I never read the book.

The inhabitants of a deep space station come into contact with an alien artifact that manifests their thoughts into form ; the crew almost kills themselves and destroys the station because they did not have the right apparatus to deal with such a power.

Anyone claiming to have conquered the delay/gap of will/result need only demonstrate matter construction, flight, telekinesis, and so on – I would be more than happy to believe it. Yes, belief is a fundamental of the craft, but belief is built & molded upon a bedrock of contemplation & practice ; you do not build your house on a swamp.

Summoning trinkets and money seems irrelevant to true freedom ; to establishing what those “minimum viable” concepts are that we wish to keep forever.

If you can stand in your power and not wobble under any external stimulus, I applaud you.

When you begin to apprehend the nature of the universe (you have experienced synchronicities, weirdness, Mandela Effects, etc.) and put into practice what you know, Nonsense will always respond to you with “but it isn’t!”

As soon as you argue, YOU HAVE LOST.

Every success story began with a lie we told ourselves to make it happen. A quiet rejection of the world ; crossing our fingers behind our back ; while we just nod and accept the “apparent” world while we wait for things to “catch up.” Even The Other is part of this and seems to catch up with us.

Sometimes we have to grit our teeth, because even appearances can hurt.

Should the universe work this way? Ex Inanis has no official view, because I believe we are better off molding ourselves like ice (solid but mutable) rather than taking strong positions, but I do believe the “normal” universe does not work this way.

The “normal” is what we understand as something like Heaven, where will & result are immediate. We are living in a universe that mirrors our choices back at us and inverts the relationship between will / result. Perhaps it is like opening a word-editor to the soul, or perhaps we are learning to become more than we are – these things I cannot answer.

Ex Inanis is not about providing these answers, but feeling out the “rules” and learning to maximize our experience while we are here. That is, to maximize joy and minimize suffering.

By nature of the universe, we know that our consciousness plays a critical part. This is true for any paradigm, but especially anything that derives out of subjective idealism.

If we were true masters of this craft, there would be no need to study it. There would be no need to practice. We would have already arrived. None of us would need to be here sharing this experience. There would be no doubt! If we had arrived, we would be like players in an online video game – knowing we are players and knowing how to play. But that isn’t the experience here. We have to deal with the “human equation” until we don’t.

What I have learned in the last few months is that there is nothing we can do except take each moment as it arrives and anything else is an illusion of

There’s that old saying: What would you do if you have a million dollars?

But this is the wrong question.

It gets us too focused on the numbers. At least it does for me. I start planning it all out and spending each dollar in an efficient manner. That’s because I’m a bonehead and always have been. My Authenticity has long been lopsided towards the “mind” aspect.

You know what Ex Inanis is? It is a system for those of us who use our heads too much so we can get out of it, or to get better balanced with it, or to shut it up entirely.

Let’s rephrase it: What would you do if money wasn’t a factor in your decision making process?

This screws up our thinking big time, because we respond: "Well money is involved in everything!“ You will get stuck trying to resolve what you want with what you "have to do”, but the “have to do” part is the lie. Rather, it is your fears that prevent you from seeing that what you “don’t want to do” is actually exactly what you want to do.

The point of the exercise is to reduce your life down to all the things that you don’t want to “throw away.” What is “not optional” to you? When you figure it out, then how to get there doesn’t matter. You make The Motions ; the Motions are not “you.” What is important to you, is you.

Even if you’re rich, you have to live with yourself everyday. You have to deal with your thoughts and emotions no matter what, no matter where you are on Earth. You have to wake up and make decisions on what to do with your day. If you’re rich, how long would you indulge in mindless materialism before it imploded your life? But who am I to judge ; it could be that mindless materialism is exactly what your soul calling is! And that’s the point …

No one can tell you what your path is. YOU have to figure it out and then go after it. You won’t know if it is the path until you are on it. I am finding that confidence and trust are basically synonymous. You *know* what you want – you just aren’t trusting yourself to get it. You see all the obstacles, but this is a trick of Nonsense. They seem to stretch out

Ex Inanis has a strong relationship with subjective idealism ; meaning that reality comes forth from consciousness. The primary things that led me to this path were the fear of death and an obsession with creating a whole, sensible fictional world which led me down an endless rabbit hole of asking hard questions about “our reality. This post is not about those events, though.

As I have just realized (as I was practicing this new “exhausting Nonsense” concept yesterday), for an adept of Ex Inanis, the apparent subjective reality that arises from you is objective reality to you. This is very subtle. The objective is “within” the subjective, but as we have often talked about managing two worlds, we alter the subjective to create the objective, which while we recognize is a shadow or illusion of the subjective, cannot be rejected (making it a kind of faux objective) ; it must be accepted/allowed/experienced.

In understanding this, we come a little closer to existing with flow with ourselves without abandoning our inner knowing of the greater subjective experience/meta ; we are able to more smoothly operate in a world that we know is generated by its participants and so is not actually objective, but we treat it is as such because this represents an act of trust / faith which kills Nonsense. We trust the processes that “matchmake” everything together and how it arises from us absolutely.

When you truly commit yourself to a paradigm, it will reveal its truths to you, as well as its challenges / obstacles. There is no other way ; if you wish to know the ways of any perspective, it requires absolute commitment.

As I spoke of in the last post, Authenticity is an alignment of the self, which lights the way; it is the intersection of Mind & Body & Heart/Soul.

The Body, in my opinion/life, has been the hardest to integrate by far. The mind came effortlessly to me since a kid ; the heart/spirit followed very shortly afterwards ; and I have been struggling with the body ever since.

The Body requires a very advanced understanding of unity/qualia from an adept of subjective idealism. You must account for how everything is arising there, while not giving away all of your self sovereignty or becoming a tyrant. Everything in the ”physical" is there to produce “something” that is “you.“

If you become fixated