Brute Force & Abandoning a Paradigm

Let’s talk a little bit about “manifestation.”

There is no doubt in my mind that there is a “eerie” correlation between consciousness and what we experience. We can say we are God, or aspects of God, or whatever you fancy, but it isn’t very helpful in a practical sense. Affirm this, visualize that, adjust your perspective … manifestation is inexorably tied to digging inside ourselves. But the “output” or the underlying motivation is all wrong.

This blog is for me a confessional as much as anything – a way to get it out and my own way of making sense of my life up to this point.

As I have been writing here everyday and as I have been making changes in my real life, there is a subtle pervasive truth that is rising to the surface: I suckered myself.

Everyone wants to talk about inner work and shadow work and such all the whilst somehow denying one of the fundamental truths manifestation often starts with – that the “external” is already a representation of themselves – whether by creation or alignment matters not. It is perfect. Asking for something that isn’t there is a kind of a tacit rejection ; a refusal to do the real shadow work you need to do. A rejection of the “matchmaker” or the “creation engine.” A rejection of God. A refusal to participate in your own creation! Why?

I often say, “Wherever you go, there you are” because we can’t run from ourselves. The work is the work regardless of your material realm.

An adventurer does not decline the adventure to spend years plotting out the perfect path, or cheating his way to the end. This sounds like that old adage about journeys and destination, but it is more.

I spent years figuring out the rules of the game but I suck at playing it. I’m a librarian who has no idea how to deal with his own world. As someone who has spent a good portion of his life playing video games, this isn’t even in-character. With video games, I love to dive in and figure it out as I go: that’s part of the fun, the exploration, the challenge …

When I try to apply this approach in real life, I’m paralyzed. I buried the fear behind logic & reason – behind digging for more esoteric truth. I fell into the trap believing that I just needed to change something “inside”, but that’s the damn trick – there is no inside & outside!

Who wants to “live” in their imagination? We can “know” that there is no difference between “real” and “imagination” yet even after years of trying, I can’t move a water bottle a few inches on pure imagination. I can create bizarre synchronicities, or material changes, but these are all “outside in.”

When we first “awaken” and see all the weirdness the universe can possess, like a dream, I think it is too easy to become enthralled by the possibilities and fall victim to a kind of Eternal Existentialism. We think we can “revise” ourselves into a perfect world … if we can just figure out that one more subtle thing, that one more elusive truth … it will transform everything. But it is bottomless. It is an abyss.

The revisions will never end. You will always find what you are looking for and you will always find new problems and new revisions. You’ve become your own dungeon master, constantly throwing challenges at yourself to teach yourself nothing at all except how long you can endure.

The best thing we can do is accept / allow / surrender. Reconnect with that flow and stop thinking how things need to change.

I’m learning that life is all relationships – I can’t believe how important they are. Friends, companions, co-workers … We are not meant to live in isolation – obvious knowledge to many, perhaps, but a hard one for me. If you are feeling alone, or separated, or feel like you are being pushed out, this is Nonsense walking you there. Don’t buy it’s bullshit.

If you feel like you need to run screaming into the night or retire to some deserted island, don’t do it – the peace you find will be fake and ephemeral. The Other is not the source of your fear – they are your salvation! Run towards them ; not away. Real peace is a kind of confidence … a way of letting go and swimming through the world.

I am tired of these talks about authority and sovereignty and such … I think Ex Inanis will be undergoing big revisions in the future, but for now I will just post.

There are no spiritual truths to be found in isolation other than isolation is NOT the answer. “Manifestation” already seamlessly works by just being ; it needs no greater apprehension on your part.

Any faults you find with the “game design” are just faults you are pointing out in yourself. Forget looking for the faults and just play.

I am thinking that the whole concept of manifestation is a quiet denial of The Other, and so – ourselves – becoming a vector for Nonsense. The whole idea of manifestation is like this “separate” process when it is holistic.

I am not even sure I like the concept of “The Other” anymore. Seems my Lexicon may be in a dire need of editing.

This whole reality just seems to about learning to let go / surrender.

Life must be lived, even when it is terrifying. And I know it gets easier the more you try. Anything else is just a slow, entropic death through rejection.

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