Mastery_Legacy

To continue the theme of the last post, when you ask the question: “What do you want?” don’t limit this to the material world.

You can ask for anything, including knowledge (any kind), confidence, motivation, focus, drive, being better with people … there is nothing that is off limits. You can even construct your own custom packages. You can get very specific or creative. You can put one desire into other, or add your own boundaries.

Authenticity will guide you there, no matter how bizarre. It may require a lot of work, but it will never lie to you.

This is why visualizing the life you want is so often repeated in manifestation resources, but it is very easy to get fixated on the physical elements and forget both the “doing” and the subtle.

If you are having trouble finding the material/qualia place you want, then simply change your intentions for a little while. Change the intention to: “What is blocking me? What do I need to learn? What do I need to release?“ or, perhaps get super meta – “What question do I need to ask?”

Don’t just keep stubbornly fantasying all the while resisting the changes the universe is trying to give you. Nonsense LOVES for you to reject the very things you asked for. You also have to allow.

You will be guided to your destination, as long you follow the Decide, Faith and Show Up process. I may also have to amend this to: “Decide, Know/Faith, Show Up & Allow.”

When I started on this journey, I answered the question of “What do you want?” with “freedom.” Or perhaps “world domination.” But these are all the same concepts: self-mastery.

This may have began as a childish fantasy about ruling over the world, but it transformed into a much higher wisdom of being free from experience ; or free *to* experience ; it is the heart of Ex Inanis, or “from nothing.” “Christ consciousness”, Nirvana, Heaven … fearlessness.

And I have been led on exactly that journey. I was thrown into the deep end of the metaphysical, esoteric and occult. There is no rabbit hole I didn’t crawl into.

And so here is the “warning” part.

Your every command is realized. We are perfect creators, but woefully imperfect in seeing what we have created (because of what I call The Uncertainty.)

I had no interest in material things: I wanted to dabble in the affair of gods. Hubris & complacency. Instead of creating a world to live in, I created a world to observe (and see how I was changing it). This is how powerful manifestation is.

But I was not a participant. I was more like a puppetmaster. I became a kind of, I dunno … lich.

You can create a “bubble” that forces the “out there” to bend around you, like Neo dodging bullets (I must have died a hundred times), but it is a dreary existence.

You can render The Other into lifeless dolls, because you’ve removed all of their autonomy and life with your own fears / judgments. You didn’t “allow” being or couldn’t embody it in yourself, so you annihilated it from existence. Hm, I wonder how many ways that could be physically represented. Is there anything like that in our world right now?

This is the power you are fucking with. Don’t believe me? Well, you will have to climb out of your own abyss.

Once again, the title of this blog is apt: “FROM NOTHING”, or the deliverance from nothing. I created a world of “nothing” to insulate me from the “everything.” Ex Inanis exists as much as a warning as a personal liberation.

Some of my other answers to: “What do you want?” have been: “a magical world ; a world not governed by physics ; a supernatural world.” Who thinks in cars, money or careers? Such paltry ambition.

Grand ambitions I think are possible, but we can never know just how much work we need to do ; we just have to assume – or have faith – and never stray.

I have been living in a kind of self-imposed isolation because I delved too deep. This journey of freedom I think ends in the same place: a desert (and a battle with a Balrog).

You will reach a plateu. You will have all the answers. All that is left is the practice – which requires a leap of faith.

The reason it is a desert is because the desert only ends when we decide that it does.

And there are only two exits out of the desert: We can follow our heart (no matter where it is leading), or we can go back and re-learn the same lessons a different way and repeat ad nauseum (return to the desert to face the choice again). The only way to change the heart is to satisfy it (or become dead to it). Refuse and you will gradually dissolve into nothing via Nonsense (entropy.)

This is such a powerful question.

When you feel that doubt, or malaise, or that inner “zombie” creeping up on you ; when you feel like falling back into old patterns ; when you feel like you are wasting time or “shouldn’t be doing this” ; you should trigger yourself to remember this question: “What do you want?”

You heart will answer this question. And shortly there after you will look upon your Wave – your life – and you will know exactly how to get it. That’s Authenticity ; that’s you going “ping!” and the universe handing you a map.

Any pings after the first are bullshit.

Here’s where we all fuck up.

Nonsense wanders in and says: “Hey, you don’t need that map. Let me tell you how to get everything you want.”

Whatever layers of Nonsense you have within you will attempt to talk you out of it. The more you identify with your Nonsense or trust it (perhaps you have externalized some of it in the Other, family, friends, organizations, or perhaps “yesterday”), the more you believe your own bullshit.

Positive, negative, neutral … Nonsense will go to town to convince you that you can’t have what you want. Your job isn’t to decide what your heart wants. Your heart is the apex, the center, the crest – it is the precise intersection point between “everything you are.”

Your heart is the ultimate “fact of you.”

Nonsense will attempt to convince you that you need to compromise, or be realistic. Maybe, even, there are aspects of truth to that. Nonsense loves to sprinkle truth into its lies.

Nonsense will weave whatever convincing tale you need, because YOU are letting Nonsense borrow your consciousness. And what is “your consciousness”?

That’s right. You’ve left the door wide open to your imagination room, you dope.

And what are you? You are an aspect of God – perhaps God itself. It doesn’t matter. We don’t need to know. It’s irrelevant.

Through you, Nonsense becomes the master storyteller, because YOU are the master storyteller. But the story isn’t woven all at once. It is eternal – ongoing – right now.

Here’s another secret too: Nonsense KNOWS you know that you know that you know that it knows … you know.

Nonsense will trick you into thinking that, well … I’m the big bad storyteller, so whatever I say goes ; I can achieve my heart’s desires whilst totally ignoring all these other choices I made. Except all those other choices are the VERY FABRIC OF REALITY.

Inevitably, your mistake here will be thinking that the world, or other people aren’t “you” – or aren’t the perfect representation of you. Nonsense’s ultimate goal (or result) is to put you in the victim mindset. This creates entropy, or non-experience (yep – it creates “more of itself” because what it is a kind of error or chaos ; it needs no personification.)

Your opinions, judgments, evaluations ; the relationships ; the patterns of how you react ; whatever. Again, the difference is irrelevant. (Nonsense wants you to get caught into this trap of specifics.)

It is critical to understand that you are exactly where you have chosen to be. Whether you literally spawn the rest of the world out of nothing, or all the world(s) exist somewhere out there and you just “move there”, it doesn’t matter.

The thread that connects all of it together over and over and over is your free will. You are the ultimate creator or the ultimate traveler ; perhaps both ; who cares!

If your world doesn’t resemble the world your heart desires, then Nonsense is still there, whispering in your ear. Then you know the work isn’t done, so you ask again: “What do you want?”

“God” spoke to me again, this time through a close friend who told me about confidence.

I’ve realized I’ve struggled with confidence all my life. Confidence of all kinds. My thinking mind felt like it needed “answers” before it could have confidence.

I’ve been here before.

The ironic thing about confidence is that we already have what we need. We already have everything we need to know and our challenges will always match our life at the time. When we accept this, we find confidence, even if we are NOT confident. Even if you “wanted more than you have”, you know that this is a Nonsense concept.

Confidence is a choice ; as in, the choice itself. Confidence needs no conditions. I don’t think it even matters whether you think that choice is right or wrong, or neither, as long as the choice is made.

Perhaps that is obvious to many, as the alternative is uncertainty or doubt, because a path hasn’t been picked. But some of us have glorified this place of non-decision – or at least I have – and all this creates is “more time.”

Our waking life is a quilt, or menagerie, or a cauldron of our choices all intersecting. Some of these intersections don’t work, some do, some just are. Confidence doesn’t derive from these choices ; confidence is the acceptance of these choices and it is the choice of “What’s next?”

Confidence is a plan, but it isn’t. Its a path you pick that’s “good enough” for now, because you trust yourself and just going to see where this goes.

So much wisdom and esoteric stuff is a farce. I realize the more and more I post to this blog, Ex Inanis is about the same synthesis or harmony of mind that the ancients describe and that all philosophers and spiritualists describe over and over and over.

Ex Inanis is my own expression of it and anytime we listen to another person – it is their expression of it, even if they aren’t a philosopher. Their own life stories are just more parables of the truth. You can’t unsee at after a point

The fundamental truth is always the same. It is the 3 blind men and the elephant (look it up.)

It isn’t like we don’t understand this seminal / unspoken wisdom – this wordless resonance of truth – it is like we need to reinterpret them for ourselves. But why? A good question. This is the source of our non-confidence.

We don’t need to surrender our authority to philosophers, or ancients, or spiritualists to understand the truth they are describing. Our heart hears it ; we can hear it there. We can trust our hearts. So, where does this non-confidence in our ability to grasp truth come from?

We get so caught up in words and meanings, attempting to make bridges and build connections. We keep building Towers of Babel and the universe/God/etc. keeps striking them down, because we’re missing the point.

The words and understandings will never be perfect. They aren’t describing phenomenon because all phenomenon is consciousness ; they’re just futility grasping at the truth we all desire.

Relationships aren’t built on words, or the material world. They are built on patience, faith and above all compassion. That’s all you need. You have to learn to see beyond the words and have confidence.

The magic happens with or without us. It happens without us when we resist, or doubt, or choose our expression to be Nonsense.

Free will is reaction, yet it is also participation – acceptance / allowance – the resistance chokes up the dream, causes a clog / suffering (Nonsense) ; a dragging of time to endure.

Fear is the wrench in the machine. Fear shows us everywhere the “endurance” is; fear is a kind of sludge, slowing things down. It was the repeated choice of fear that we are recognizing and deciding to choose better.

The world and ourselves are already one. We do not need to create special rituals or superhuman states of mind. This just demonstrates we are not trusting ourselves.

As much as I am loathe to admit, it is easier to understand that the “physical” is what it is without feeling separated by it ; this is much more conducive to the harmonic mind than attempting to rewrite it, just because we understand it is more consciousness than anything material.

We can grasp that it is derived from consciousness, but it doesn’t change its nature ; its truth is its own existence, or our own participation in it.

Rewriting it just means you don’t trust your own engine of creation. This is a kind of warping of the self to begin with. Being in that harmony is much more conducive to moving you towards some kind of“non physicalism” ; imperative even.

We only have the options in front of us. We can try to create new options through mind tricks, meditation, rituals … but these are things we think we need to do because we think our minds are not whole, or in need of fixing. We are rejecting what is already perfect ; we are creating a “non harmonic mind” instead of staying in center (confidence.)

it is a trick of Nonsense to create what isn’t there ; this just creates enduring ; the enduring creates all manners of Nonsense in doubt, confusion, etc. ; what was coming to you was already coming to you when you made the realization.

Centering is much harder to do when we are in suffering, but even in suffering we are where we are because we brought ourselves there ; the way out is exactly the same – acceptance/allowance, faith and persistence. We can try to dig out a mote of confidence in taking ownership of the suffering and continuing to make decisions ; not make “endurance” (fear.)

Once the realization is made, you can’t go back – but you can drag it out.

All decisions lead you to where you need to go. In this we find the confidence to “just go!”

Let’s talk a little bit about “manifestation.”

There is no doubt in my mind that there is a “eerie” correlation between consciousness and what we experience. We can say we are God, or aspects of God, or whatever you fancy, but it isn’t very helpful in a practical sense. Affirm this, visualize that, adjust your perspective … manifestation is inexorably tied to digging inside ourselves. But the “output” or the underlying motivation is all wrong.

This blog is for me a confessional as much as anything – a way to get it out and my own way of making sense of my life up to this point.

As I have been writing here everyday and as I have been making changes in my real life, there is a subtle pervasive truth that is rising to the surface: I suckered myself.

Everyone wants to talk about inner work and shadow work and such all the whilst somehow denying one of the fundamental truths manifestation often starts with – that the “external” is already a representation of themselves – whether by creation or alignment matters not. It is perfect. Asking for something that isn’t there is a kind of a tacit rejection ; a refusal to do the real shadow work you need to do. A rejection of the “matchmaker” or the “creation engine.” A rejection of God. A refusal to participate in your own creation! Why?

I often say, “Wherever you go, there you are” because we can’t run from ourselves. The work is the work regardless of your material realm.

An adventurer does not decline the adventure to spend years plotting out the perfect path, or cheating his way to the end. This sounds like that old adage about journeys and destination, but it is more.

I spent years figuring out the rules of the game but I suck at playing it. I’m a librarian who has no idea how to deal with his own world. As someone who has spent a good portion of his life playing video games, this isn’t even in-character. With video games, I love to dive in and figure it out as I go: that’s part of the fun, the exploration, the challenge …

When I try to apply this approach in real life, I’m paralyzed. I buried the fear behind logic & reason – behind digging for more esoteric truth. I fell into the trap believing that I just needed to change something “inside”, but that’s the damn trick – there is no inside & outside!

Who wants to “live” in their imagination? We can “know” that there is no difference between “real” and “imagination” yet even after years of trying, I can’t move a water bottle a few inches on pure imagination. I can create bizarre synchronicities, or material changes, but these are all “outside in.”

When we first “awaken” and see all the weirdness the universe can possess, like a dream, I think it is too easy to become enthralled by the possibilities and fall victim to a kind of Eternal Existentialism. We think we can “revise” ourselves into a perfect world … if we can just figure out that one more subtle thing, that one more elusive truth … it will transform everything. But it is bottomless. It is an abyss.

The revisions will never end. You will always find what you are looking for and you will always find new problems and new revisions. You’ve become your own dungeon master, constantly throwing challenges at yourself to teach yourself nothing at all except how long you can endure.

The best thing we can do is accept / allow / surrender. Reconnect with that flow and stop thinking how things need to change.

I’m learning that life is all relationships – I can’t believe how important they are. Friends, companions, co-workers … We are not meant to live in isolation – obvious knowledge to many, perhaps, but a hard one for me. If you are feeling alone, or separated, or feel like you are being pushed out, this is Nonsense walking you there. Don’t buy it’s bullshit.

If you feel like you need to run screaming into the night or retire to some deserted island, don’t do it – the peace you find will be fake and ephemeral. The Other is not the source of your fear – they are your salvation! Run towards them ; not away. Real peace is a kind of confidence … a way of letting go and swimming through the world.

I am tired of these talks about authority and sovereignty and such … I think Ex Inanis will be undergoing big revisions in the future, but for now I will just post.

There are no spiritual truths to be found in isolation other than isolation is NOT the answer. “Manifestation” already seamlessly works by just being ; it needs no greater apprehension on your part.

Any faults you find with the “game design” are just faults you are pointing out in yourself. Forget looking for the faults and just play.

I am thinking that the whole concept of manifestation is a quiet denial of The Other, and so – ourselves – becoming a vector for Nonsense. The whole idea of manifestation is like this “separate” process when it is holistic.

I am not even sure I like the concept of “The Other” anymore. Seems my Lexicon may be in a dire need of editing.

This whole reality just seems to about learning to let go / surrender.

Life must be lived, even when it is terrifying. And I know it gets easier the more you try. Anything else is just a slow, entropic death through rejection.

God – Cosmos, Source, Paradox – whatever word you wish to use … We will use God for the remainder of the article. You do not necessarily need to personify God in this context. God can simply be “everything that is or could be.“ God can be “creation.” God could be the “whole you.” Or, if you prefer, God can be a loving parent ; whatever definition seems to resonate with you.

The concept of God is seminal, or primal and you understand what I mean even if your “contextual” self wants to argue.

God speaks to you through the portrayal of your life – of the entire universe. God is always speaking to you. God is a chatterbox! Because God is synonymous with love and love is the foundation of all creation. Love is always coming back to get you – when you run, you just hurt yourself, like a child out of control. God is there to pick you up and set you back straight, even when you think otherwise.

It isn’t enough to know this on an intellectual level. You can pretend to know that the universe is born from within – that it is a emanation of consciousness, whether from yourself, or from God’s hands. It doesn’t matter. As a human, you will never answer these questions any deeper. If you attempt to do so, you will find the answers you receive to be recursive and bottomless. I know – I tried.

The questions themselves are sufficient knowledge. That is why we have concepts like belief and faith and why these concepts are often so treasured. It can be easy to disregard them or associate them with fanaticism or perhaps naivety, but this is a terrible mistake. They are fundamental to operating – as a new friend of mine told me – “an optimal level.”

Comprehending God cannot be done in a purely intellectual way. This does nothing for your belief and belief is fundamental to operating your life. A belief is forged, like a sword. It requires a action, a commitment and some pressure. God doesn’t want this to be a painful process – a sword feels no pain as it is hammered or thrust into the furnace.

You are here to be forged by God. Or if this is too much, you are here to provide experience to God. Again, I told you, you do not need to personify God. You can just as easily believe God is you and the outcome is the same. The wisdom hasn’t changed at all.

When you do not trust God, or reject God, is when the process becomes painful. Suffering is born from this rejection or denial, because it is a denial of your own creation. It is a “Nonsense” ; an impossible state ; a twisting / tension of reality.

Today, I was wrestling with whether to go to the gym or not. I was in pain and wasn’t sure if this would make it worse. But I said “fuck it.” There is great power in fuck it, but I will talk about that another time.

I ran for a little while on the treadmill. I weighed whether I wanted to use the hot tub and for a moment almost decided I would just go home – but said fuck it again.

When I got to the tub, it had quite a few people – and I have been going through such transformation in the last few months, it is a victory just to have gotten as far as getting a pair of swim trunks and approaching that tub. But I said fuck it again and got in.

Then the most unbelievable thing happened.

An older gentlemen struck up a conversation with me and it was such a deep, profound conversation that I knew this was not some normal run of the mill encounter. We talked about Christ, God, compassion, the Secret, manifestation ; I am not sure what we didn’t talk about!

I include this story today because it almost didn’t happen. I could have stayed home and did nothing ; perhaps taken some pain pills. But I know where the path leads

I know that on some level the syncroncities that have been happening are because I decided to stop being complacent and listen to “God” who was telling me to “get busy living or get busy dying!“

Listen: God talks to you through other people. No matter what you are doing, God is talking. When you are drawn to watch something, or listen to someone, or talk to someone … pay attention. Don’t be unconscious about it.

When someone is complaining about something, or is inspired by something, or whatever it is – you need to listen. It can be a movie, a YouTube video, a song … ANYTHING! Especially when it comes to people. Don’t just disregard it as them talking about “their” life. They are talking about YOUR life too, you just need to LISTEN.

Our thoughts arise from within us, like air bubbling to the surface of water. The thoughts are not “us”, yet they do point to the source of that “air” that is us.

That air comes from our foundation. The thoughts are more like mangled remnants by the time they reach us, though ; almost useless. Thoughts try to describe truths that our minds cannot hold all at once. They are “pointers” to much larger blocks. As humans, we have to deal with abstracts and faith to make use of these thoughts.

We shouldn’t assign any meaning to thoughts that we don’t desire. We recognize they are “ours” – or at least that they are there if you wish to remain more open to their source – but they are “out of service” or not informative. Meaning construction is an important concept I need to write about and it isn’t restricted to thoughts.

I’ve been hearing this term “mental diet” and it is a good one. I need to read a whole lot more Goddard, because he has great subtle ways of perspective that are transformative.

Our efforts should be focused on changing this foundation so that the thoughts that bubble up are the thoughts that we want, rather than battling thoughts that do not serve us. We want to ask ourselves to be supportive and encouraging, not afraid or doubting. The diet should feed itself, in other words.

Imagine thoughts that don’t question, or doubt, or plan. They don’t worry how long something will take or what issues you are dealing with. They just tell you: “You got this! Go for it!” We want to eliminate “buts” and “shoulds” in a way that aligns with heart/body/mind. We do NOT want to create willful ignorance, apathy, or denial.

We want to address the root of the environment – not be on cleanup duty at all times, or “eating” all the time. Consumption of any kind is a warning that we are lopsided towards complacency. We have to do these things, because that’s where we are in our development, but we can recognize this is not the “ideal.” I think we are all tired of this janitor duty.

I emphasize the warning of becoming complacent simply because you master aspects of this process. If you are not reinvesting into “the work”, it will fade just as surely as anything else does. If you are a true adept of this work, are you prepared to live a life of luxury and trust that you would not be consumed by it? We can and should cultivate our environment as much as possible to this work, but that does not always mean fulfilling every desire.

This blog is a commitment to the work, because I got tired of falling off the wagon and re-learning shit over and over. I am learning to distinguish true desires from wasteful consumption or distraction.

Each of our Waves is different. Each Wave has its own challenges and own ‘shadow elements.’ The “mental diet” is the beginning, but we must still do the work. It is a process. A persistence.

We can “unpackage” thoughts by sitting with them and digging at them. This is how we do the inner-work – we attempt to create a holistic verisimilitude of “self” that we want.

It is the contention of Ex Inanis that this “self” over the development of the self/soul is the same self for all ; it is the “MVG”, or minimum viable god. Our Waves would still be different, but our “selves” would become more like players in a video game ; able to assume avatars (and realms) at will.

This creates a “continuum” of players that play for all time. In this way, we are very much in this together – we are “one” yet we are also ourselves.

This is an important revelation, because we understand the Other does not need to be in competition with us. Using powers to create division or competition just creates those things in our qualia to experience.

When The Other is an ally and not an obstacle, this brings us towards unity, or the connection to our qualia and our connection to The Other. This reduces Nonsense because now we are fully living within ourselves both in mind and “world.” Cooperation crushes competition. We are rallying our whole world to our cause, realizing that all of our causes are really the same. This is the death of the survival mind – the survival mind has a “plateau” that it cannot ascend past.