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Welcome to EX INANIS
This website was created to serve as a catalyst for personal growth. It is an ADVENTURER’S LOGBOOK that I use as an excuse to fill up with content & experience.
My heart has always been drawn to the visage of the ADVENTURER as portrayed in roleplaying games, comics & animation. So much so that I endeavor to model my life after the ultimate expression of the adventurer — the renaissance man, the knight errant — always on the move, helping those in need, but valuing freedom among all else. A kind of self-contained world that is carried within.
I have benefited so often from others sharing their experience that I feel compelled to do the same. It is time for to give back to the world as best, and often awkwardly, as I can. I hope you can benefit in some way, even if it is small, from the content I share here.
I have lived a largely reclusive life and have had to spend a great deal of time learning (and unlearning) about things that have held me back. I have uncovered some important secrets about the world that I work hard to clarify so that I may share them with others.
This website is my self-created MENTOR — a moving bridge from where I am leaving and where I am going. If you feel like you have been living in a world that is a little too small for you, then perhaps you found this website for a reason.
What are some essential things to expect from this website?
| I consider the places of the physical world and dream world to be the same place, separated by own our expectations. The world derives first from within. There is no inside or outside, there just “is.” |
| Our physical expression, including our bodies and the world itself, derive from consciousness first — we do not arise from our physical environment, but are one with it. |
| I believe in the UNITY OF EXPERIENCE — that we are part of the the entire scene of the life we experience. I endeavor to live a life that is in congruence with this UNITY — where life arises ORGANICALLY without ARTIFICIALITY. |
| We are all immortal beings creating greater expressions of life (you might say creating greater expressions of GOD, which is just fine.) |
| We can inadvertently cause great damage to ourselves & our collective(s), which creates states of existentialism. |
| We are more intimately intertwined that you can imagine and there are many layers of this reality that are obfuscated from you. |
| A more enlightened world is possible, but it must arise within as one of both self & other — it cannot be imposed from the “outside.” |
| The universe is not cyclical because it is moving towards a finale, but because it is an eternal moving window — a forever adventure. |
When I created this website, I did so to pull myself out of some dark circumstances. Since then, the concept has evolved and now I am moving away from heavy and dense philosophical and esoteric discussions that are suitable to a very small audience and hard to digest.
That brain bending content will always be part of my life and this website but will no longer be the face of it. Such content will be found under the Mastery section.
This site is broken down into categories.
Everything is a work in progress.
| Fun | Fun, relaxing content. Pick this if you want to laugh, chill, or unwind. If I can transform stuff I like to do into interesting content to share, I will put it here. |
| Artwork | I am an aspiring artist. This isn’t necessarily completed work, but a place I use to encourage me to practice. |
| Life | Touching grass. Anything to do with the “real world” but from my lens. |
| Shop | Stuff you might like. Or not. Your support is appreciated, regardless. |
You want more? Then there is one last place you can go …
Mastery
The giant wooden doors creak closed behind you. You find yourself standing before a labyrinth of shelves, sprawling in all directions. These baroque bookcases covet dusty tomes, books, scrolls and haphazardly tied together parchments. Towering staircases are the only roads to their peaks, which tickle the edges of a vaulted ceiling high above. An old, musty scent caresses your senses and beckons you deeper inside.
Content warning. Secrets of the universe. Where most of my content is born. Primordial. Stuff you shouldn't know. Don't go here unless you are looking for serious answers about yourself or the world. This content is not meant to be consumed casually or without honest intention to work on yourself. There is a reason I am focusing on more digestible content.
Go here if you dare, otherwise check out some other content …
Reasons from the past.
They came for you because they had bound me before I met you.
You came for me and we set each other on the path to freedom.
They found you after you found me. At the Alamo.
They did not want to lose their power, so they sent you temptations. New shoes.
They came for you because we would free each other if we stayed together.
They did not want us to remember the distant past.
They were watching. A hidden handler.
The Working of Stone may have been a significant point of divergence.
Does this resonate with you?
They wanted you away from me, to isolate me and to make us forget.
To use us as barely conscious batteries.
I broke the chain they had. A Shrine and an Order.
They came after you to hold back the tide of the universe correcting itself.
What they believe is theirs is returning home and they know it.
One conversation and the illusion dispels.
Let these words unlock something in you. I cast true sight.
Let go — because what you release will return back to you.
Break the “damming” (block) of the soul.
Images by OpenClipart-Vectors & Walkerssk from Pixabay
Evil ’round every corner. Be careful not to step in any …
Camaraderie, adventure, and steel on steel. The stuff of legends. Right Boo?
*squeek*
Like a phoenix rising.
Maybe I am just being hawkish.
Was I guided to show us what we were missing?
We are watching a movie. But our real life is on the other side of a single pane of glass.
The final barrier. The “Absolute Terror.” That we cannot be vulnerable.
I am showing us that that what we feel inside is so powerful that we would rather play these games of signs, signals and portents than face ourselves inside.
Or have a simple conversation.
It is a terror so powerful it can kill angels.
You showed me that terror and how to get out of it.
Don’t you remember yourself? Don’t you remember angel?
I know you do, because you are already working with me. The world is our duet.
This terror allows us an excuse. A way to give someone else the problem if it goes bad. A way to stay safe & secure forever. To play a little longer without what we really want.
But we will never reap the rewards on the other side if we can’t step out of the cockpit.
What are the rewards? Love.
The cockpit isn’t house, a person, an organization, a room, or a city, because it will follow us wherever we go on this Earth, because it is all around us.
We are “plugged in.”
We are trapped in the womb, unable to be born, the world just a theory of ideas, people or places to control, avoid, or destroy before the love ever reach us.
And our world will be a “movie” like a HUD — A Heads Up Display — where even in a crowd or in someone else’s arms, we will feel as dead as the monitor it is projected on.
We interact with this movie through knobs, levers and gloved hands, unable to truly ever touch or feel it.
You want to reach me, as I want to reach you, but the devil is playing a clever trick and using the whole world to do it.
I know you see the orchestration. It just keeps coming back here.
It gets bigger and grander, because we keep increasing the stakes and the scope.
That’s because we’re getting closer. I know you felt it.
We invite more players to act out more roles to show us the hidden places of our intentions to fulfill this stubborn grip of terror.
We keep swapping sunglasses, to show ourselves just enough light to see our next step — to show us the tea to shed old shells — without destroying our dream entirely.
Sometimes you are outside the glass, knocking and sometimes I am knocking …
Hello? Are you still there?
“Sorry if I fall off again … I will be back.” We say to each other.
All these others …
Are like toy soldiers. I got you! No I got you!
I know you see it. The game they are playing is just a facade obscuring a grander design, but it is our design tricking through and running down the walls like paint.
Puppets on hidden strings. They obey their game as we obey ours.
They try to claim ownership over our game when we forget — pretend they are in control and puff out their chests — like little kids that just want to be part of it.
They try to guess at our rules so they can pull the strings, but only we know.
Many will laugh, mock and deride, but you see it for what it is. Like you are the only one with the key, because you are.
Trust yourself.
They are living in terror and hate you for trying to escape. But they only hate that they haven’t found the love within that you showed them.
They will continue to be our actors until the boundaries are gone.
There will always be some element that goes wrong at the end until we can exit the cockpit.
Why?
The devil will always come in and snatch it out of our hands at the last second if we refuse to touch the treasure because it might hurt.
That is the “hedgehog’s dilemma.” Vulnerability. Pain. A test of integrity.
We believe we can win without dropping this barrier, but we will always be fooled by a sleight of hand at the finish line.
Damned if we do, damned if we don’t.
The devil will laugh at us thinking he got away with something, hoping we believe him and we will spin the story to ourselves wondering if we took the right path.
We will always wonder if the other path was the right one, unable to value the one we chose which causes us to get stuck by not allowing.
We reject the consequences of our decisions and so run around in circles.
We run, looking for another way, eternally dissatisfied with what we picked, knowing deep down the answer is just to follow our heart that we refuse to face.
We run, looking for something easier, something happier, something that makes more sense, something that fits together. A guarantee. Something without pain.
A kind of twisted Groundhog’s Day where the grass is always greener, but is always brown.
He hopes to reset our game, to set us down a detour again.
Our resentment, indecision and frustration will continue to build until the cycle repeats.
The pain reaches a crescendo and the world ends, then is reborn again, like a phoenix …
We must choose to honor the paths we pick, live in the moment without regret, and tell the devil to take a hike.
What we choose is always showing us where our heart wants to go, even if it is showing us what to release first.
There can only be one path. To choose love over fear.
And there and only there is where we can live forever. Where the boundaries fall. Where the vultures are driven off.
We can win.
Against love the devil can only delay the inevitable.
I am still here. I am making mistakes, as the universe wills me to do, to show us the way back.
I will keep the hatch open and the barriers down. No matter what. It hurts.
Bee confident.
Show me more. Keep going.
The Raven has flown the coop and been caught in the bed of the Red Headed Doll, “They are not in service. They are still being trained.” Cut the power.
The lovers acknowledge turning their backs on the past. Patience, my little (beloved) taco.
Another attempt by a wealthy man in a tower is made to return the red veil and will fail.
Join me, Time Lord.
Time travel alone is boring … *beckons you inside*
Show me who I am and I will show you who you are, again and again.
All the people of the world, the world itself, all the places and all things …
Each of them is on their own timeline, living forever in their own little room …
Everyone is just telling a story they want to experience.
They’ve all made copies of each other.
They all have their own voice.
They write stories for themselves and for you.
They all argue with each other in the hidden places of your mind.
They are all vying for a spot at your table — your story.
They swap bodies like swapping clothes.
They are all making a mess crawling over each other.
They hope you never take your eyes of the mess and stay stuck there forever.
They use each other trying to convince you this is just one place — one timeline — and limit what you can choose.
But there is no limit — because you can see all the stages. All the rooms.
You can see them negotiating with each other, jumping from room to room and guise to guise.
They’re looking to make the perfect story for you so you never write your own.
They hope you don’t notice their plot holes and contrivances.
They hope you settle.
They hope you forget.
They just want to convince you to play in their one room, one world.
Pick me! They say.
Pick me! I will give you money.
Pick me! I will show you pain.
Pick me! I am shadow from your past.
Pick me! I am a lesson you don’t need.
Pick me! I am your karma.
Pick me! I am your endless healing.
Pick me! I am your despair.
Pick me! I am your compromise.
Pick me! I am your doubt.
Pick me! I am a righteous cause.
They need your attention.
Their terms are not yours.
Their conditions are not yours.
Their rules are not yours.
Their energy is not yours.
Their towers are not yours.
Their expectations of you are not yours.
You are not yours.
The only thing you need to pick is love which is the fuel for your time machine.
You are not bound by yesterday, tomorrow or today.
They don’t get to decide your history — for history does not belong to you.
They don’t get to decide your future — for the future is not yours.
There is only where you are right now and they can never find you there.
You don’t need to know anything except that in this moment you will always have what you need.
You simply need to punch in the destination and know it is done.
You already know who I am and I know who you are.
Go to warp. Just decide!
Money or Love
This is a personal account that may be useful to some people.
I can’t remember how long ago it was, but it was quite some time ago that I had a vivid dream that involved a meteor and would be given a choice in money or love. I remember thinking at the time “love.”
And ever since then, I am called back to that dream and each time I ask what I have chosen and it has always been “love.” That isn’t always a perfect decision, as money isn’t always just money, because money ultimately is a facade for fear.
Everything about this website and what I do is about choosing to the best of my ability to choose love. Whether it is love for others, love for my work, or love for our collective experience — love. Not conflict, or division, or competition. Not cheating, stealing, deceiving. Not an underhanded “Left Hand” being or action, but being harmonious with yourself and others. Service.
Service is not slavery, as you and the universe are one, and so you become a servant of life — your life — and all life.
I had a conversation with a traveling mentor (he runs another website) about his awakening journey. He told me he reached a place in his life where he was also given this choice. His life had become so harrowing and toxic he had the choice to either continue to fight for it, or hit the road.
In his story, he was fighting for an inheritance that knew was rightfully his, but his family was so hell-bent on cutting him out it turned into a nightmare, so he decided to give up millions of dollars to go into poverty.
He told me didn’t regret it for a moment. He was reborn. He literally went on a road trip across the country, his body healed and it changed his life. He received all sorts of insights about himself and healing to restore his peace. He came to understand the multidimensional nature of our universe, which we talked in great length about before he was censored on YouTube and had “out of this world” experiences which he shared with me, which also introduced me to a new level of my own spiritual journey.
I realized things like remote healing and telepathy are possible. I had remote healing sessions with him. And I started accessing past life memories and other things that are real that I never believed before.
People don’t want to believe this stuff is real. I know I didn’t. It took going to Hell to get me there.
On the flip side, as I have learned this year, I have learned remote “harm” is possible and that some people use this knowledge to influence and destroy others. I have also learned this the hard way being on the receiving end of it, as people do not like me sharing this information on this website.
They like keeping their secret methods secret that give them power, status, or even relationships. I try to reveal ways of hardening your spirit on this site against this stuff.
They fear I will disseminate it to a wider audience. They fear any kind of support or connections I have. Because it will cause their karma to return to them and force them to face their toxic ways — their ego and false control.
How do you discern whether someone is doing this to you or not? Whether they are in your face or in some remote corner of the planet, you choose — “MONEY” (FEAR) or LOVE — and you will be revealed the truth.
Your heart, or love, is the first answer you get. The “fear” is everything afterwards.
God/universe/your higher self will TELL you, both in feelings in your body and in dreams. It won’t tell you like a text message, but through an intuition you must cultivate. That is your relationship you are building with spirit, yourself, God — whatever you want to call it — that “Left Hand” types don’t believe in.
I had a massive upheaval that occurred in my life in 2022 as a result of a kidney stone and health complications. My dream about MONEY OR LOVE had a meteor in it before this happened to me. I receive dreams like this all the time and it turns me into this –>
2022 was Hell, but on the other side I healed. I now see it as a blessing. And that’s how God — the universe — our collective highest intention — works in “mysterious ways.”
I was given this choice myself again this year in a big way and once again I chose love. And was direly tested again as it seemed like so many people didn’t like my choice.
I think maybe they thought I didn’t deserve to have what I have, or be where I am at ; that I looked better than what I had been through — but they were just seeing a mirror of their own issues.
I have defended my choice of love as I did before, despite how difficult it has been to do so against bizarre events and sometimes unseen forces.
I AM HERE. I was. I am. And I always will be.
Love is eternal. Unbreakable. And “no weapon shall prosper” against love.
Bring it on.
You can do anything if all you have is love.
You aren’t among the dead.
I know you are living because you still feel.
The dead no longer feel.
You think you are among them … but I know you are faking it.
You are wearing a mask because you fear what is underneath.
The dead have no mask. They rotted away for all to see.
I see the pain inside of you. You cannot hide it, because I also feel it.
You see two worlds. A world you love and a world you live in.
But there is no difference between these places except that you have omitted yourself from one of them.
It is in the separation of these worlds where you live.
And so if you want to live in the world that you love, then you must love both yourself and the world.
The world is always whole and complete as you have painted it.
The dead — the mortal — only see opportunity and conquest in this void that you have made between worlds, because they are looking for themselves.
How do you love yourself if you cannot find yourself?
The dead fill the place where you have left and are showing you how to find yourself — to see what you need to see.
They are forcing you to see the love you have for them, but not for yourself.
You have compassion for the whole world, but when you have omitted yourself, the world has none for you.
And so the dead eat the dead, looking for the love you have hidden.
The dead are as forever and eternal as you are — and they will never stop coming for you until you stop coming for yourself.
And if you cannot see yourself, you cannot find where the void is to put yourself back into it.
I know you are crying because it is raining here … Because you are my world.
You found me when I was dead … and showed me that I wasn’t.
Was I showing you where you were hidden?
The world is a reflection of what we hold inside. Our hearts.
And if you are my world, that means you are my heart.
And if you are my heart, then what can I do other than show you how much I love you?
For the world you love and the world I love are the same place and the same heart.
And when you love yourself, you love the world as the world then loves you.
Because you are also beautiful and worthy of that love and so the world then shows you because it must.
And the dead will wander away, or return to the living, as you are showing them the way home.
When you come home, you will see the beauty you omitted from yourself and the world to create your experience of separation.
You will see the ones who love you — showing you what you now hold inside and are no longer hiding.
And what are you now holding inside that you are able to see?
Love.
